Bainbridge Movies

Oh, I had meant to be sooo clever! I was going to call this page "Movies At 24 words per paragraph" and write the capsules at exactly 24 words. But I'm just not ready to go that distance. Tell me the reference and I'll put your name in this space.

Suitable For First Dates

I'm not saying that you could or would want to take your parents to see these (I once had the misfortune of taking my Grandmother to see 48 Hours) but you should not lose any face with your possible new love interest should you rent or, preferably, see these on the big screen.

Men In Black

What a fun, fun movie! The trailers looked good and I wanted to see it in the theaters, but never got to it. Then my in-laws gave it to me for Christmas. Inventive, clever and Linda Fiorentino...I mean...a great cinematographer.

Spinal Tap at the dog show. Screamingly funny! The DVD has a bunch of deleted scenes and the commentary by Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy is well worth it. Oddly, the Internet Movie Database says I would like Bad Boys if I liked this movie, but I won't included it.

Best In Show

Spinal Tap at the dog show. Screamingly funny! The DVD has a bunch of deleted scenes and the commentary by Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy is well worth it. Oddly, the Internet Movie Database says I would like Bad Boys if I liked this movie, but I won't included it.

The Lost World

Nooooo! Not that one! The original version was produced in 1925 and if you can concentrate on this fact, the special effects are really quite amazing for the day.

This Is Spinal Tap

Possibly one of the funniest films ever made. Maybe it's just me. I watch this movie about twice a year.

Time Bandits

"That's what I like! Little people! Hitting eachother!!" Visually stunning, verbally outstanding. John Cleese as an noble-oblige Robin Hood is incredible.

All About Eve

Mean-spirited and far ahead of it's time, this is an instruction manual on how to use people. The basis for every gay man's Bette Davis impersonation.

All The President's Men

There are some movies that I start watching and can't stop. If I spend more than a minute on this movie, I have to finish it.


Ingrid Bergman, the ultimate virgin/whore. "Oh, my husband might be dead so I'll sleep with someone else to ease my pain." What, did she wait like a month?


Nobody probably has ever heard of this film. I saw it once on cable and fell in love with it. Dennis Leary has just gotten out of prison and is one a misson to kill everyone that had a part in the death of his dad as a Father's Day present. Joe Montegna just gotta see.


Oh, yah, you betcha! It's super film! The Cohen Bros. most personal film where substance finally top style.

Tarzan The Ape Man (1933)

Johnny Wiessmuller and Maureen Sullivan! DAMN! I remember seeing this film when I was going through puberty and it rocked my world. Maureen Sullivan! Wotta dish! There's a new reconstructed version on AMC that has more sex and violence than the original. Plus a skinny dipping scene complete with skin.

The General

Buster Keaton's classic. Think about it - A movie about chasing a train. Doesn't seem possible, but it is. True genius.

Never Give A Sucker An Even Break

W. C. Fields. "Drown in a vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting." Yes, I know, W. C. Fields is very old school, but give this movie a chance. It twists realities like pretzels and is a fabulous satire on Hollywood. There is a chase scene involving a hook-and-ladder truck that is logistically beyond belief.


I can never remember which Marx Bros. movie is which. Probably because the titles bear no relation to the plot. This is the academic one, with Groucho as the dean of the college. Some great songs! Harpo plays the harp. My advice - fast forward or go get something to eat.

The Coconuts

The one in the hotel

Duck Soup

The best they did. Groucho as the head of a country. A great anti-war movie at heart.

Animal Crackers

Hooray for Capt. Spaulding!

Modern Times

Chaplin at his socialist best. Some outstanding bits, my favorite is the demo of the machine that will automatically feed the worker so he can keep working. If you want a study on how to make something funny, watch this bit. Pay attention to the mouth wiper arm.

My Night At Maud's

The King Of Comedy

Scorse's overlooked masterpiece. I saw the first show in Rochester, NY. I took my wife to see it on our first date. I explained some of the shots to my Dad (in the basement when he's talking to the cardboard cut outs). Sandra Bernhard's best performance. Who wouldn't want to see Jerry Lewis tied up?

Who Is Killing The Great Chefs Of Europe

George Segal and Jaquiline Bisset. A solid fun romp.

Just Tell Me What You Want

Ali McGraw (okay, how many people are ready to never visit this site again) and Alan King (still with me?) in a smart, funny, vicious comedy about love and power. A time capsule of the 80's.

Murder By Death

Neil Simon writing really stupid jokes that are really funny. This is the movie of my family of origin. We would sit around and watch this movie together and laaaaaaugh. My father claimed to hate and started turning it into the Rocky Horror Picture Show by hurtling food at us.

Bedazzled (Peter Cook And Dudley Moore)

PLEASE! I haven't seen, and don't plan to see the remake of this brilliant movie. It's a re-working of Faust with a young, funny Dudley Moore as Faust and the screamingly funny Peter Cook as the devil. I just cannot say enough about this movie. I want to type the entire script just prove how sharp it is.

The President's Analyst

Vintage sixties satire. The President of the United States is under a lot of pressure and needs someone to talk to. James Coburn fits the bill, but then he can't take the pressure and skips out. As the keeper of the President's secrets he must not be allowed to run free. Spies, counter-spies, counter-counter-counter spies. And just what is the most powerful force in the world?

Point Break

Okay, this is another of those gotta-finish-it movies. Really stupide, I know, but Keaneu Reeves is an FBI agent who goes undercover as a surfer. Patrick Swayze as the Big Kahuna. I can feel your scorn from here.

The Matrix

I just saw this movie sometime 4/01. I really expected to hate it, but I was pleasantly surprised. I'm just glad I don't do drugs anymore.

Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Worship Them.

The Wonderful, Horrible Life Of Leni Reifenstal

Got four hours to kill? I did, I am glad I watched this very, very long documentary on the Life and Wierd Times of a very complex woman. Leni Reifenstal, for those of you, may or may not have been Hitler's Filmaker, but she made some good ones under his watch. Triumph of Will and Olympiad are visually stunning. Olympiad, in particular, pioneered many of the techniques used today in film. The interviews in this film are from when she was in her 80's and she is sharp as a whip and takes no shit. Worth the time it takes to watch it.

Olympiad (I and II)

Berlin Olympics of 1932. See Jesse Owen kick Nazi ASS! Unbelievably beautiful.

Triumph of The Will

A documentary of the Nuremberg Rally in 1934. Watch this film and you'll realize why the Nazi's got as far as they did. They knew how to put on a good show.

The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari (1920)

One of the original horror movies. You have seen clips of this movie in about 27 videos and referenced in countless other horror movies. Watch it and see why it's a classic. German Expressionism at it's best.

Pandora's Box (1929)

Louise Brooks is a hot babe. Shocking, for it's time, an even a little shocking now. She is not immoral but amoral

Bringing Up Baby

When it was first released, the critic hated this movie. Now it is the quintessential screwball comedy. Katherine Hepburn never looked more beautiful. Cary Grant, as well. They work so teddibly well together, rahlly they do.

The Front Page (1931)

The original film version released after the hit play of the same name. Unbelievably cynical, fast, sharp and crisp. This is the epitome of faster, louder, funnier. A dark comedy set on the eve of a needless execution and the newspaper men who cover it.

His Girl Friday

A remake of The Front Page. Roz Russel and Cary Grant as ex-husband and wife. Just as good as the original, which is saying something in this day and age.

Young Frankestien

What to do with Mel Brooks? When he's on, he's on as with this one. When he's off he does Spaceballs and History of the World. There is just not a scene in this film that is not drop-dead funny. Gene Wilder was a god back then.

Blazing Saddles

OK. I'm thirteen years old and in Boy Scouts. My troop goes to Canada for a Hands-Across-The-Border swap to stay with some Canadian Boy Scouts. What's the first activity they wanna do? Sneak in the back door of the local movie theater and see Blazing Saddles. I almost peed myself. Just as funny, if a trifle dated in spots.


George Sand, Franz Listz, Delacroix and few other bohemians of their day reek havoc on the country home a wanna be socialite. They are just in it for the sex, free food and good dinner conversation. Smart, literate, and Judy Davis as George Sand.

The Naughty Ninties

Abbot and Costello - Who's on First. What can I say? When I was a kid growing up in California, KTTV, Channel 11 would play a different Abbot and Costello every Sunday.

Buck Privates

Abott and Costello, plus Patti, Lavern and Maxine. The rip-roaring Andrews Sisters belt 'em out while Abott and Costello fumble through the Army.

Shall We Dance

Astaire and Rogers.

Flying Down To Rio

Chicks dancing on top of a plane - For real! How the hell could they have called it a depression? Top Notch song and dancer!

Not Suitable For First Dates

DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES see these movies as a first date. Should your date suggest them to you, then, in my opinion, propose to them immediately. The other way to look at it, now that I think about it, is these movies would be great to see if you've been fixed up by your friends and 1) have no interest in seeing your blind date again and 2) want to get back at your friends for fixing you up in the first place.


"A Dream of dark and troubling things," is what David Lynch said of his movie. I got wicked stoned one night and figured out that it's an abstraction on how to deal with "a problem." I had a roomate that bought the soundtrack to this. It was nothing but screeching, scraping and "In heaven everything is fine." Which begs the question - Do squeamish people actually squeam?

Blue Velvet

I was at home and a friend called me. "Hey, I got tickets to see something, wanna go?" "What is it?" "I dunno." "Is it a movie?" "I dunno." "Is it a play?" "I dunno! You wanna go or not?" It turned out to be the press screening of Blue Velvet. I was lit up like the proverbial pinball machine. I think I may have been the only person in the theater laughing. This is a seriously funny, if scary film. A masterpiece of pyschosis. Think of it - Dennis Hopper was sober when he made this and David Lynch was dating Isabella Rosilini!

Barton Fink

As opposed to style over substance. Mesmerizing and funny as hell. "I wanna give it that Bahton Fink feeling and since your Bahton Fink, I assume you have it in spades." Only the Cohen Bros. could make a movie about writers block. The bell in the Hotel Earle rings for 37 seconds, if you must know.


"Oh,yeah, and 'Happy, Scrappy Hero Pup'." Who else would get into the ethics of killings contractors on the Death Star? It originally came out without a rating because they wanted to give it an X for language, which it probably deserves. Funny as shit! I'm not going to include Mallrats, his second, kind of sucky, film, but if you watch it, you'll see and here about some of the same characters between the two films.


Linda Fiorentino (swwwooooon) and Jay and Silent Bob save the world. Very sharp take on religion. Funny as shit. Alanis Morrisette as God.

Drugstore Cowboy

Where the HELL is Matt Dillon's Oscar™, huh? He and Nick Nolte should go postal on the Academy someday. The best drug movie ever made, period. I loved doing drugs, I mean LOVED them. But then it started to get old, but it was hard to stop. This movie gives you the highs and lows of drug abuse with no judgement. I remember talking to a middle-aged woman in the lobby who was complaining that it glamorized drugs. I asked if it looked like they were really enjoying themselves or if she at all envied them. After thinking about it, she wound up liking the movie. Desmond Dekker's The Isrealites is such a great song.

Vampire's Kiss

Nik Cage is a high-powered yuppie who thinks that maybe he's be bitten by a vampire. Cage at his eye-rolling screen chewing best!

A Zed and Two Naughts

Some people HATE Peter Greenaway. I'm not one of them. I am all for style over substance, even if I can't really follow what's going on. Twins obesessed with decaying use time lapse photography to document decay and the subjects keep getting bigger. Intense minimalist score by Michael Nyman (who you might know from The Piano.)

Drowning By Numbers

More Greenaway. About a mother and her three daughters. The mother accidently kills the husband. Her three daughter's start thinking they wouldn't mind killing theirs. Part of the fun is trying to spot the numbers as the movie progresses.

Toy Story 2

The depth of this movie took me completely off guard. Woody has to make a choice between his old TV show pals from Woody' Round-up that he doesn't remember and his tried and true pals in his boy's room. Jesus! I can barely think of what brand of cigerettes to buy! Above all, it's consistently clever and witty.

Shakes The Clown

The Boston Phoenix called this "A great little fucked-up movie," and it's about the best description there is. "The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies." Bobcat manages to create a working alternate universe that hangs together. It's also a great film about alcoholism that doesn't preach.


Okay. I'm a geek. Big-time not-for-everyone movie. People sitting around a dinner table looking beautiful and puzzling out morality is not everyone's cup of tea, but I love it. Eric Rohmer rocks and I don't care who know's it!

Man Bites Dog

A French/Belgian film (and, yes, that means subtitles) about a film crew making a documentary about a sociopathic serial killer. Shot in a documentary style (waaaaay before the Where Bitch Project) it explores the line between reportage and participation. You have been warned.

How To Get Ahead In Advertising

It's an old, old story - Stressed out ad man gets boil on his neck, boil grows eyes and mouth, starts to talk...ya know...the usual.


Godard at his fucked-up best! Revolutionaries and the bourgios. 10 minutes of a traffic jam in one single take. Be still my arty-heart

Taxi Driver

I will not say it.



All material on this web page is copyrighted by Paul Day and Hbee Inc.1999-2002. Any attempt to plagurize, excerpt, slice, dice, chop, julliene, fricassee, weld, staple, screw, nail, make pictoral representations from chopped liver, ice or any other foodstuff or material either living or dead, mime, dance, sketch or peform in front of pets that are not your own is expressly prohibited.