Berenstein Bears Go To Rehab

"Mama bear loved burgundy
She loved her gin and lime
She kept on telling Papa
She could stop at any time
Her promises turned out to be
As lame as this rhyme is"


When the cubs came home from school, Gramps and Gran were home.  Mama had gone "shopping in the city" again.

"Is mama ok," asked Sister Bear? 

Gramps and Gran looked at each other helplessly.  "She'll be... fine," they said unconvincingly.  "Let's have a big bowl of ChocoBlasters and forget about it," said Gran brightly.

"I think Mama is a drunk," said Brother that night as he and Sister lay in bed.

Sister's eyes started to fill with tears.  "S-she is not!" she wailed.

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

Brother and Sister were yelling too loudly to hear Papa Bear coming up the stairs.  The door to their room flung open.

"Brother Bear is right," Papa Bear roared, "Your mother is an alcoholic."

Brother Bear stuck his tongue out at Sister.  Papa cuffed him hard on the back of the head.

"It's true. Your mama has a problem.  I've tried to talk to her but she doesn't want to hear.  I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe we should have an intervention," offered brother.

"Great idea, Brother," said sister

"What's an invertention," asked papa?

The cubs rolled their eyes.  Poor Papa.  They explained that it was a chance to sit down with a disinterested third party and tell Mama how much her drinking was hurting them.

"But I tell her that every day!" Papa protested.  "Why do we need stranger there?"

"Papa," the cubs said, "It's just different.  Just talk to the HR person for the forest.  They'll explain it."

A few weeks later the intervention had been setup.  It almost didn't come off.  Papa didn't know where the paper work for the HMO was and had to ask Mama where it was.  When she asked why Papa said it was for the "invertention".  Mama, who was apparently in a blackout, didn't make the connection.

While the intervention had its rough spots the facilitator said afterwards that if it  hadn't been for Papa   it would have been the easiest intervention he assisted.  Mama was not even angry when she found out she'd been tricked.  Within the first five minutes she had admitted she had a problem, apologized for the pain she had caused and agreed to start going to AA.  In fact, she said, she'd already been to a few meetings and pulled out a meeting list to prove it.

Poor Papa had to be asked to leave.  He kept bellowing "You're drinking is killing us all!" a line from one of the videos Grandma and Gramps had rented for the cubs.

Two hours later they were home.

"What's for dinner?," asked Papa Bear. 

"Oh, let's order out tonight," Mama said wanly.

"PIZZA!" shouted the cubs.

"But I was looking forward to some of Mama's fabulous seven course spectaculars," Papa frowned.

"I know," Mama Bear said tenderly, patting his paw, "Tomorrow.  I promise."

"Okay," Papa sulked.  "Anyway, I've got a special treat for us!  Champagne!"


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