[The following is a possibly erroneous transcript from the Connie Chung interview with Gary Condit. Hbee Inc. makes no claim to it's veracity.]

Connie:  I’m sitting with California congressman Gary Condit. Congressman Condit, thanks for being here

Gary:  Thanks for having me, Connie.

Connie:  Let’s just cut to the chase – Did you kill Chandra Levy?

Gary:  Yes.

Connie:  Wh-I’m sorry...could you repeat that?

Gary:  Yes.  I killed her.

Connie:  Let me just be very clear on this – You’re saying that you killed Chandra Levy.

Gary:  Yes.  I’m saying that I killed Chandra Levy.

Connie:  And, why did you kill her?

Gary:  Actually, the National Enquirer had it right this time.  I’m gay.

Connie:  You’re gay and she found out.

Gary:  That’s correct.  I’ve been in a long-term relationship with Casper Weinberger for many years now.  Chandra walked in one evening without knocking and found me fellating Casper.  Needless to say, we were all embarrassed. 

Connie:  And what happened after that?

Gary:  Well, I ran down the hall after her screaming for her to stop.  Casper called out for me to come back and that we’d deal with it later, but I couldn’t let this wonderful man’s name be besmirched.  I caught her at the stairs, pushed her down and then kicked her head in until she died.  Then I carried her body down to my car and threw her in the trunk.  I don’t remember much after that.

Connie:  Where is her body now?

Gary:  Still in the trunk, I think.  I feel like I hear her sometimes when I’m driving to work.

Connie:  And what did Mr. Wienberger have to do with this?

Gary:  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  He had no knowledge of my actions and was not involved in any way shape or form.

Connie:  And what has he said to you since?

Gary:  Nothing.  We haven’t spoken.  He won’t return my calls.  This is one of the reasons I wanted to do this interview so that I could tell him how sorry I am and that I hope we can work through this.  I love you, Cap!

Connie:  Okay.  There’s one thing that doesn’t make sense, though.  You admitted to the police that you had a sexual relationship with Ms. Levy.  Did you?

Gary:  Well, kind of.  That was Cap’s idea, to have sex with her.  He thought it would toughen my image up a little.  There was some talk on the Hill that I might be gay.  Having sex with her was a smokescreen.  And that airline stewardess ...what’s-her-name.

Connie: So wouldn't the make you bi-sexual?

Gary: Not in my heart. No.

Connie:  Well, Congressman, thank you for your honesty and for giving my career a much-needed boost.

Gary:  My pleasure.

Connie:  There you have it.  Gary Condit confesses to killing Chandra Levy because she found out he was gay.  Thank you again, Congressman.

Gary:  May I say one more thing?

Connie:  Certainly.

Gary:  Cap.  Please call me.  I need you now more than ever.

Connie:  Good night and God bless.