[The following is a possibly erroneous transcript from the Connie Chung interview with Gary Condit. Hbee Inc. makes no claim to it's veracity.]
Connie: Im sitting with California congressman Gary Condit. Congressman Condit, thanks for being here
Gary: Thanks for having me, Connie.
Connie: Lets just cut to the chase Did you kill Chandra Levy?
Connie: Wh-Im sorry...could you repeat that?
Gary: Yes. I killed her.
Connie: Let me just be very clear on this Youre saying that you killed Chandra Levy.
Gary: Yes. Im saying that I killed Chandra Levy.
Connie: And, why did you kill her?
Gary: Actually, the National Enquirer had it right this time. Im gay.
Connie: Youre gay and she found out.
Gary: Thats correct. Ive been in a long-term relationship with Casper Weinberger for many years now. Chandra walked in one evening without knocking and found me fellating Casper. Needless to say, we were all embarrassed.
Connie: And what happened after that?
Gary: Well, I ran down the hall after her screaming for her to stop. Casper called out for me to come back and that wed deal with it later, but I couldnt let this wonderful mans name be besmirched. I caught her at the stairs, pushed her down and then kicked her head in until she died. Then I carried her body down to my car and threw her in the trunk. I dont remember much after that.
Connie: Where is her body now?
Gary: Still in the trunk, I think. I feel like I hear her sometimes when Im driving to work.
Connie: And what did Mr. Wienberger have to do with this?
Gary: Nothing. Nothing at all. He had no knowledge of my actions and was not involved in any way shape or form.
Connie: And what has he said to you since?
Gary: Nothing. We havent spoken. He wont return my calls. This is one of the reasons I wanted to do this interview so that I could tell him how sorry I am and that I hope we can work through this. I love you, Cap!
Connie: Okay. Theres one thing that doesnt make sense, though. You admitted to the police that you had a sexual relationship with Ms. Levy. Did you?
Gary: Well, kind of. That was Caps idea, to have sex with her. He thought it would toughen my image up a little. There was some talk on the Hill that I might be gay. Having sex with her was a smokescreen. And that airline stewardess ...whats-her-name.
Connie: So wouldn't the make you bi-sexual?
Gary: Not in my heart. No.
Connie: Well, Congressman, thank you for your honesty and for giving my career a much-needed boost.
Gary: My pleasure.
Connie: There you have it. Gary Condit confesses to killing Chandra Levy because she found out he was gay. Thank you again, Congressman.
Gary: May I say one more thing?
Gary: Cap. Please call me. I need you now more than ever.
Connie: Good night and God bless.
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