I take a right onto Mt Auburn St and end up behind a car with a "So Glad I Voted For Bush" bumper sticker that's double-parked. Cursing, I shift into reverse so that I can get around this fetid piece of Republican scum. As I pull around him and flip him off, one thought passes through my head - "Does he realize that I'm flipping him off because of his bumper sticker?"

Bumper stickers are a quick and easy way to brand yourself to strangers driving behind you. "So Glad I Voted For Bush" tells me that I should brake quickly once I get in front of him and sue him for all the blood money he's made. "Visualize Whirled Peas" says that the person driving is just too quirky for his own good. "Free Tibet" denotes a good chance the person driving is easily intimated. "My Child Is An Honor Student At..." lets you know they would pay a great deal of money if you kidnapped their child. Maybe.

There are bumper stickers that the owner does not put on. There are a group of anti-SUV activists who tag gas-guzzlers with a bumper sticker that reads "I'm Changing The Climate! Ask Me How!"

There are, of course, combinations of bumper stickers. "Free Tibet" plus a KISS 108 bumper sticker is a particularly confusing mix.

I've only had one bumper sticker on any car that I've owned. This is due mostly to the fact that my wife objects to bumper stickers that start with the word "Kill" and it's irresponsible to have a bumper sticker that starts with "Fuck" when you have children. Even so, I'm not a fan of bumper stickers.

So why and what was my bumper sticker? It was a "One Day At A Time" bumper sticker. It told everybody who drove behind me (or more realistically, those I passed) that I at one time I was a drunk. Possibly not the best message to put forward, but here I am telling the readers that. The phrase brings comfort to other reformed drunks in knowing that, thanks to The Program, their driver's licenses have not been suspended. Broadcasting it on the back of my car made me feel like I was helping others of my ilk. I was being touchy-feely. It also worked as a helpful reminder when I got into my car that drinking was one thing that I would not be doing today.

Once you get behind the wheel, though, how often do you say to yourself, I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car. It leaves your mind immediately. Honk at a car that has a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and 95% of the time, the driver will flip you off for honking at him or her.

Back to the fetid piece of Republican scum. He wound up chasing behind me. After getting right up to my bumper (and I swear there was a cat darted out in front of my car), I jammed on the brakes. The backend of my car made out better than the front end of his. Thanks to efforts of Republicans not to put a cap on personal injury lawsuits, I'm about to get the deed to his house. On second thought, I am so glad that he voted for Bush.

For those not in the know, One Day At A Time is one of the slogans for Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve step programs. If you did not know this, don't feel bad. I had no idea either.