Progressive Bird

A Bird

Boys, I can hear your complaints already.  I had the same complaints myself and I want to address them, but I can’t do that if you won’t listen to me, ok?  So do me the courtesy of just perching there for a sec and try to listen to me with an open mind.

I know the shit’s not natural.  I know that.  It’s not twigs.  It’s not leaves.  It doesn’t fall off of trees.  I don’t know what it is, but I do know one thing:  It works.  It builds a hell of a nest.  No one can disagree with me on this.  No one.  I haven’t had to rebuild a nest in three years.  Three years, boys.  Think about that!  I’m out there finding worms and grubs for the family while everyone else scrounging for twigs.  This stuff lasts!  How much time do you spend on upkeep on your nest.  A twig decays.  Leaves tear.  Maybe it’s one of the support twigs, the foundation of the nest.  Snap!  It’s gone.  Goodbye.  Wife and kids on the ground and you’re busting your beak to get a new one build ASAP.  The wife’s bitching.  The kids are bitching.  Anybody been through this?  Yeah, I see the heads nodding.  Anybody LIKE being in that situation?  I thought not.  Three years, boys.  Three fucking years.  No decay.  No rips.  No tears.  No holes.  Nothing but blue skies and just enough wind to keep the flying interesting.

So.  It’s not natural?  Who cares?!  It doesn’t taste like twigs?  Who cares?!  It’s harder to work with?  Boys, boys, boys.  We’re birds!!  We learn.  We adapt.  Remember the first nest you built?  Huh?  Chuck?  Was it easy?  Mine wasn’t.  Frankly, it sucked.  It was a miserable experience.  The thing kept falling apart.  My wife’s sitting there giving me a load of shit – “aren’t you finished yet?  My dad would have been finished by now.”  We’ve all been there.  Is there a learning curve?  Yes, of course there’s a learning curve.  Is it hard at first?  Yes, it’s hard at first, but, goddamn it, we’re birds!!  We think.  We weigh the pros and cons.  Remember a few years ago when everybody was using paper?  Remember the first rain?  Remember how everyone stopped using paper after that?  Three years, boys.  I have had to build or fix a nest for three fucking years.  Proof of concept.

It’s never been done like this before?  Well, it has now.  The trend has started.  I haven’t been forthcoming about this stuff until now because I wanted to make sure it worked.  I’m telling you it does.  Let’s drop this old school thinking today.  There’s plenty of it out there, boys.  As plentiful as twigs.  Pick it up.  Try it.  Try it just once.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t use twigs, too.  I’m not saying that.  I’m saying we’ve been given a resource that we’d be idiots not to take advantage of.   That’s all I’m saying.

Thanks for listening.