Wake Me When Baseball Is Back
(or, Oh The Winter Bliss)

 Coughing and sneezin', 'tis truly the season
     for funny hats, mittens, and flu.
   Snow drifts are howling, and snow plows are prowling
     the streets for more mischief to do.

 Sidewalks are slippery, and most folks would flip were we
     taking a walk in this crap.
   Oh, face numbing wind burns! I can't wait for Spring's turn! 
     Just wake me when baseball is back!

(Chorus 1)
Oh, wake me when baseball is back!
Wake me when baseball is back!
Coughing and sneezin', I hate the off season.
Just wake me when baseball is back!

 With nor'easters blowing, West Coasters are crowing
     in winter they lounge by the sea,
   where girls in bikinis sip apple martinis
     and boy toys rub suntanning creams!

 It comes as our mission that major revisions
     are due in our quivering hell.
   We think there is time left to stiffen our spines lest
     we bid this whole East Coast farewell!

(Chorus 2)
Oh, wake me when baseball is back!
Wake me when baseball is back!
My toenails are freezin', we all know the reason.
So wake me when baseball is back!

 Girlfriends are shivering, no pizza's delivering
     through mountains of slush on our blocks.
   Now nature conspires to freeze our desires to
     thaw them in cuddling locks!

 Shoes are hung drying up, heating bills piling up
     right to the ears in this stuff.
   Patience is daunting while merchants are flaunting
     Bahamas vacations.  Enough!

(Chorus 3)
Oh, wake me when baseball is back!
Wake me when baseball is back!
Bahamas vacations ain't saving this nation.
So wake me when baseball is back!

(Repeat Chorus 2)
Oh, wake me when baseball is back!
Wake me when baseball is back!
My toenails are freezin', we all know the reason.
So wake me when baseball is back!

(Repeat Chorus 1, Big Finish!)
Oh, wake me when baseball is back!
Wake me when baseball is back!
Coughing and sneezin', I hate the off season.
Just wake me when baseball is back!

(End)