Situation Comedy: Georgetown University

 You're drunk.
 You're a Hoya.
 You live in Room 411 Darnall,
 but you stagger unknowingly into Room 311 Darnall,
 open the door, disrobe, crawl into bed,
 then find yourself face to face
 with a screaming and remarkably naked female.
 You try to explain the situation
 to the disbelieving Jesuit priest.

 You're at a party.
 You see the sexy, shapely,
 Sweet-Young-Hoyette
 who you've wanted to meet all year long.
 You gulp down your last frothy brew,
 then stride with royal confidence
 over to where she is seated.
 You bend to introduce yourself
 and fart.
 Your face turns a horse's ass red.

 You're at a Drive-In.
 Your date is looking unusually enticing,
 and the tempting love scene has just appeared on the screen. 
 She turns her head and
 kisses you gently,
 then plants herself immovably upon your lap.
 Suddenly, predictably,
 your miserable case of hemorrhoids
 acts up uncontrolably.