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My First Affair in 32 years..

 I met her by accident through my work e-mail. I had sent her an e-mail intended for another friend, a friend’s girlfriend. She was a secretary in one of our offices in another state. I had e-mailed her once or twice before, but she was just a faceless person to me of no interest, just someone to pass on my work e-mails.

Boy, was I wrong!

When I sent her a personal e-mail by mistake, she started writing to me and quickly told me she was blonde and 34 and liked Sicilian men like me, guys over 50, and that she didn’t mind my receding hairline. I was hooked!

Boy things heated up fast. She mentioned that she had gone to a car repair shop in her convertible and I joked about how the guys would tear up her bill if she rode out of there topless. She really liked the compliment.

She listened to my voicemail when I was out and told me my voice was sexy. Soon we were having e-mail sex at work and at home and talking on the phone day and night, seven days a week.

She arranged to fly out to visit me, on an excuse of visiting a sick friend. She was married and a fundamentalist Christian. But she loved Sicilians and I loved blondes. I told her what I’d do to her and she asked me if I really would do all that licking.

She told me she wanted to rush right back to the motel room with me when she flew in. We’d meet at the airport without knowing what the other one looked exactly, just our verbal descriptions. Well I suspected I had spotted her but she didn’t give me a second glance at the airport. Then she called me on her cell phone and we found each other.

In the car, I was shy but I put a hand on her thigh. We went to shopping mall and she leaned into me so I would take her hand and hold and hug her.

We got to the room and she sat on the edge of the bed. I am pretty shy but we had talked for a long time about all the hot things we wanted to do to each other. Massage was one of my promises, so I massaged her neck until she leaned her head onto my shoulder. I smelled her shampoo and perfume. I suggested we sit on the bed, our backs against the backboard.

There I kissed her hair and then her forehead and then her nose which I found lovely and worked my way to her lips. Soon we were dry fucking. I had promised a lot of licking so I had promises to fulfill. I nibbled around her panties, pulling on the panties with my teeth to tease, then I kissed her panties and laid my hot wet tongue on her panties over her pussy. She indicated she wasn’t comfortable with being eaten just then so I went back to kissing and dry fucking her. She said the “cage door is open”, a code she had mentioned to me in other e-mails. She came back naked and then said she had forgotten her promise and came back in a nightie.

She was my first affair in 32 years of marriage and I couldn’t believe it when I felt new pussy and guided my cock into her with my fingers, leaving them in to masturbate her as I fucked, just as my wife loved. She had already told me she had a 2-minute timer so I wasn’t surprised, just pleased by her quick orgasm. She never wanted to leave the room, not even to eat. I felt bad, as though I was starving a sex slave.

I had promised I could live up to a “hat trick”, three orgasms as she taught me—we both got four that evening and I couldn’t spend the night with her because I had to go home to my wife around midnight. I had fucked her until she was too sore for more and she worried I was disappointed. I said, “Are you kidding?”, that’s more than my wife gives me in a year!

Hand Job Magic

Can you say self-pleasuring? You may think "self-pleasuring" is a girl-term, but why should girls have all the fun? Although men tend to do it more often, women do it with less guilt and more indulgence. In fact, whether in or out of a relationship, a good number of guys have never gone beyond "the quickie."

Maybe the first thing to get over is the sense of guilt, most likely implanted long ago and rooted in early fears of "getting caught." A good long session of masturbation is a healthy way to build and circulate sexual energy. And the recent study by Michael Leitzmann suggests regular ejaculation can ward off cancer. It's also a good way to learn some of the more subtle aspects of one's sexual workings. And in the long run, a slow, maximum-pleasure session of masturbation, while taking a few mental notes, will simply make a guy a better lover.

For those with partners, bringing the lady on board for the hand job is a great idea. Both partners can learn together. It will make foreplay richer. In relationships where the lady isn't always as interested in orgasm as the guy is, they can still have sexual fun together. He gets his release; she gets his body. For couples who want to keep the excitement in their relationship but have busy schedules or have young children, a nice hand job lunch-date can keep the bond tight.

So guys, ladies, here are some moves that will help make that hand job sensational.

1) Get the testosterone boiling with a ball rub. Though this is a preliminary that can be omitted in a time crunch, it's a stress buster and it will get blood circulating -- the first ingredient of great sex. With the thumb and forefinger of each hand, grab the sac below the testicles and pull down, forcing the balls up toward the body. With free fingers, roll and pat the balls, lightly of course, for about three minutes.

2) Then get the blood to flow into the penis by stretching it. Grab it both at the head with one hand and at the base with the other. While holding the base firm, pull out on the head to stretch the shaft. Then pull it in the same manner towards the other four directions (up, down, left, right). After doing this for 2 or 3 minutes, give the penis a good shaking out. Now, you've got blood flowing.

3) Stroke with just the thumb up the centerline on the underside of the shaft and when you get to the ridge, right where the head begins, in that little indentation, make small circles with your index finger. Repeat this several times.

3) Now you're all primed for a few hand moves. Lube up first. Touch the thumb and forefinger together on each hand -- you're essentially forming two cock rings. Wrap the two rings at the middle of your/his cock, one right on top of the other. Now slide the upper ring upwards and the lower ring downwards. Go as far as you can go in each direction and start over. Repeat this move for a while and then move on.

4) You know how to press oranges over an orange juicer, twisting and pressing? That's the motion you want to apply next. With one hand, hold firm to the base of any available cock, then place the cupped palm of your other hand over the head of the cock and twist, round and back again. Keep that motion up for a bit. Weehoo.

5) Next, hold firmly to the shaft as you massage all around the base of the cock. Then you can start stroking the shaft with one hand while pulling down on those sensitive balls with the other.

6) If you want to slow things down, do some light tapping all over the shaft and include the balls -- but go very gently there!

7) Now move to double capping. Smooth the cup of your palm over the penis head with one hand and slide straight down to the base. As soon as the first hand slides over the ledge of his mushroom, the second hand should be right there on top of the bulb again, following the first hand down to the base. When hand number one gets to the base, scramble it to the top so that there is little pause in the sensations to the head. And keep on going. This two-fisted relay down-jerk offers a lot of sensation. Yeeha.

8) As you move into a stroke and rhythm that starts the rest of the body squirming, press from time to time on the perineum, that soft spot between the butt hole and the balls. Press and stroke. With the non-stroking hand, alternate between that and holding his ball sac, gently. Fondle and stroke. Press and stroke.

9) Use two hands on either side of the cock, rubbing back and forth as if to say "goody!" while also sliding up and down the shaft. Like you're making bread sticks out of dough.

10) Men will know how to finish themselves off from here, but to their partners, as things wind up: maintain a steady rhythm, maintain plenty of lube, go up and down the full length of the shaft, and be sure to go over the head frequently but delicately -- that is the most sensitive spot. And while you're doing all this with one hand, have the other hand stroking him, on the belly, the pubis, the perineum, the chest, the nipples.

10 b) The alternative for partners who are new at this is for the owner of said cock to place his hand (or hands in case of the two-handed rub) over the partner's, guiding the pressure and the rhythm.

11) A bird in the butt worth a stiffie in the bush for many men. If you're flying solo and haven't tried it, give it a shot. You can better instruct your next lover about it when the time comes. Make sure there's plenty of lube on the finger. Start in circular motions around the anal opening. Move deeper only as the sphincter relaxes and it's comfortable to do so. Some men love these added anal sensations when they come.

12) Repeat any of these as desired. Go back to earlier ones to slow things down. Or crank up 8-11 to speed things up. And bombs away.

A recent article in Mainichi Daily News (Ryann Connell ) reports that not only are young (20s and 30s) Japanese married couples forgoing sex to engage in mutual masturbation, but night clubs called "happening clubs" are springing up in Japan. The main attraction? Masturbation -- both sexes; solo, a deux, it doesn't matter. Sometimes the masturbator is a female exhibitionist performing for onlookers, other times it's a young man raising his handy squirt to the level of competition. Yes, the male cumming contest is a favorite at happening clubs.

It's obvious why social masturbation would appeal in a club environment, but why is it so popular among happily partnered couples? Anecdotal couples spoke of mutually busy lives, tensions, and exhaustion -- both partners were dealing with the same erotic inhibitors, but not at the same time. The quickie masturbation session is a half-way measure for partners whose sexual patterns are never in sync. The performance anxiety associated with intercourse was another reason partners cited for taking orgasmic matters into their own hands. Meanwhile experts try to guess at the reasons -- could it be the internet -- that combination of cyber-isolation and instant gratification? Could it be the fear of STD's? Of pregnancy?

The good thing about these mutual masturbation societies is that couples who once did it individually on the sly are doing it together. He's not hiding his porn; she's not hiding her vibrators. And it seems to be saving marriages that may have otherwise petered out so to speak.

If we are to believe the surveys, then folks in the United States haven't caught on to this slappy solution. Overall, married American men feel guilty about masturbation and still feel the need to sneak off to the broom closet with Playboy and a flashlight (and be quick about it!). To be sure, this is partly due to upbringing, but maybe also partly due to the attitudes of American women. "Why do you have to do that when you have me?" is the usual ladies lament. But if she could set right down beside him with her vibrator in hand, what mutual moans might happen then? If you're going to moan and groan about something, why not do it together? Perhaps if Americans of both sexes could experience the Japanese "happening club" they'd have a change in attitude. Lighten up and start singing, You can do it on the run; you can do it just for fun -- no fuss, no stress. And for a marriage that's sexless or nearly sexless anyway, how could it hurt?

Well, if you have a religious affiliation to worry about, then this simple question may not be so simple. While religious source books don't clarify things much, religious advisors have heated interpretive discussions over what little the sources do say. Generally, even if you've found mutual masturbation rains relief on the sexual drought in your relationship, don't expect the more fundamental factions of each religion to be supportive. Most liberal strains of interpretation usually take a hands-off approach.

But here's a brief rundown of what they're all saying. From a Christian perspective, there's the Biblical business about Onan. God told Onan to marry his deceased brother's wife and give her a child. God found that Onan was instead "spilling his seed on the ground" (raging Biblical debate about what that means) and so killed him. If you're unlucky, you belong to a denomination that interprets this story (Genesis 38:10) so as to outlaw the practice of masturbation altogether. Other not so happy Biblical interpretations think that Onan's crime (in spilling his seed on the ground) was coitus interruptus ("pulling out" while you're ahead). It's more likely that Onan's grave transgression was that after being told to give the woman a kid, he stubbornly refused. If that's the case, God would have been just as likely to kill him for abstinence. Biblical scholars are still arguing.

Many Islamic counselors say that it's OK for the couple to masturbate each other, but not OK to masturbate separately in each other's company. Christian counseling sources seem to feel that while nothing specifically rules out mutual masturbation, it shouldn't replace intercourse. Jewish law seems to be OK with the pleasurable act of stimulating your genitals, though you can find schools of thought that want the man to be sure to deliver his seed into a vagina before he's done.

But after all this, the main thing to remember is that the sources don't clearly address the issue. The "Understanding Islam" educational web site says that, "As far as the legal standing of self-induced sexual pleasure is concerned, the Shari`ah is absolutely silent on this topic." Christian scholars have used the same words about the Bible -- that it's silent on the issue. And yet people who feel guilt over masturbating will find no end of interpretations condemning the act and supporting their guilt. But guilt is such a waste of potential lovemaking energy.

Unfortunately, if you happen to be Catholic, you and your church doctrine may be parting ways over the art of slapping happy. The bad news is, if you're married, you're supposed to be having kids -- mutual masturbation is not in this picture. The worse news is that if you're not married . . . well, let's not go there. Just say that if you're Catholic and masturbating -- with or without your spouse, partner, or Playboy porn pals -- the only place you can slink your sorry ass off to is the confessional.

Probably the most legitimate line of reasoning from religious sources is that the O solo duo takes out the element of gift-giving, the part where one partner gives sexual pleasure to another. In this line of reasoning, caring and attention to someone other than oneself, putting someone else's happiness first, these are the desired benefits of conjugal relations. Good idea. So let the partners take turns coming first. And doesn't it count when you give your mate the voyeuristic pleasure of watching you writhe as you play with your wet pussy or fat hard-on? Who says "giving pleasure" has to mean with "hands on"? Really, if you're in a relationship where the sex has been dysfunctional for some time, isn't any shared sexual pleasure better than no sharing at all?

Ultimately, the religious person has to work this out with his conscience. But for the rest of us... tally ho!

For women who have never had an orgasm, sex therapists recommend that the woman begin working with a vibrator. And this method has been wildly successful. Once a lady learns to have an orgasm with the vibrator, then she is over the hump (but hopefully not over humping). In most cases, she then takes her new orgasmic abilities into her partnered sex life, incorporating the skills into their sex play or teaching him exactly how to make her squeal. Many women have gotten over orgasmic dysfunction in this way.

What if there's a similar cure for the sexual decline that often plagues long-term relationships as they mature? Maybe the Japanese are onto something. Mutual masturbation functions as a way for the couple to "get over the hump," the plateau or roadblock that they've been trying to ignore. From the statistics, it looks like all too many partnerships do avoid this hump. They look instead for the afternoon affair, thinking it the only option.

Hooray for more options. Mutual masturbation arrives to save the day. If it can help bridge a relationship to a place of more intimate sharing, well then why not?