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| Email me about machines you would like to know about not listed here. Also, feel free to email me about any incomplete thoughts here. I realize that edict outnumbers explanation here, for brevity's sake. | U. S. | The Utility Score in the previous column reflects its pssible benefit, independent of PPN. Opposite scoring: 0 = useless; 10 = almost indispensable. | |
| Introduction | I hope to address here the pwerful but illicit romance
that America has with exercise machinery and gadgets. There are specific issues
related to individual products, as well as global (and ethical) issues
concerning marketing techniques. ALL AEROBIC MACHINES, except rowers, bikes, and stair climbers (and strangely, easy-riders!), suffer from limited ranges of motion, some severely so. In part this is due to the fact many aerobics are limited in their ranges of motion. ALL AEROBICS MACHINES, except rowers and bikes (and strangely, easy riders) but including stair climbers, restrict the motion they are trying to duplicate, sometimes to the point of inducing pain. Rowers are excluded here because real rowing itself occurs in a type of machine. You will see, eventually, how to perform aerobics in the most useful, effective, and efficient manners, with little more than basic principles. Anaerobic machines (resistance types: weights, springs, whatever) have similar problems. See the individual listings. |
The Post-Purchase Neglect (PPN) Score: 0 to 10, and a special J category. ): Unlikely PPN, which means you are likely to keep using it. 5: good chance of immediate PPN, or use may continue for a few months. 10: Virtually certain PPN, which means not only will you stop using it, you will stop using within a month! 10.1: Quicker than 10! J: means the persons responsible need to go to jail. | |
| An even more fundamental problem | The psychology and marketing dynamics behind the purchase
of these machines is truly remarkable. It is a phenomenon that, while not as
bizarre as the pet rock of yesteryear, is still quite profound, and will go into
the anals of consumerism and marketing. Here is the short version 1. Our health consciousness has been raised. 2. We have also succumbed to a shame-based marketing campaign that has raised self-consciousness and drives us to an unhealthy dissatisfaction with who we are. 3. We assume, from advertising, and from memories of our yout', that a. exercise is fun/interesting b. exercise resembles sports and game activity c. it is easy and that the equipment is as it appears, both as apparatus and in the glorified context. Just because hiking is fun, your old track meets were fun, rowing is fun, or skiing is fun does not mean that any of these machines sitting in your livingroom are going to be fun. The reality is: Exercise is the penance we must do for being sedentary and virtually by definition, this is not fun. It is generally boring and repetitive, and, the worst offense, in my opinion, is that it leaves you with virtually no learned skills There are dozens of aerobic and anaerobic techniques that not only burn calories and fat, make you strong and fit, but also leave you with permanent neuro-muscular conditioning and real skills! These are are good part of the focus of this site, so I will leave this subject here, and continue with the machines themselves. But one parting jab. Our salmon-like urges have been so strong that once we discard one piece of equipment, we go out and try another...and another. I didn't know our species was so humble as to personally accept blame for failure. Esp. when we are NOT to blame!! |
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| Aerobic Machines | U S. | ||
| Rowing | A properly designed rowing machine is a great tool. I will not spend the time it deserves right now, because of the ultimate fatal flaw: it's unlikely to be used in one's livingroom. But for those who think they might, it offers possibly the highest aerobic conditioning of ANY device, while developing tremendous strength. AND, it's low impact. If really designed properly, so that the body could lie flat (better accommodating back problems), and the arms push out as well as pull in, I would be tempted to buy one. But remember, a lake is lake, your living room is a livingroom, and exercise is, well, boring. | 10 | PPN Score: 9 (unfortunately) |
| Stairs | The second least offensive machine. But, unlike rowing,
who climbs stairs for fun? And with all the skyscrapers and steps in America
that we avoid, do you really think you will use a stair climber? And bear in
mind that on real stairs, there is an enormous amount you can do that cannot be
done on home stair climbers, or even professional ones. But if you really think you are going to use one, it's a good aerobic exercise, as well as strength building exercise (legs of course). The deeper the step, the better the range of motion and more anaerobic it will become. And the bigger your ass will get (good!). PPN is almost guaranteed. |
8 | PPN Score: 9.8 |
| Stationary Bikes | The exercise laboratory's tool of choice. Who is going to do this at home? | 6 | PPN score: 9.5 |
| Treadmills | Good for the infirmed, the snowbound, and the fearful. Otherwise, I can't understand the logic. Often they limit the ancillary motions important in walking and running. Note that walking and running themselves have limited ranges of motion, unlike stair climbing or rowing, or proper Heavy Hands technique, or calisthenics. Walking, unless very fast, is of limited aerobic value. Not without significant health benefits, however, especially after meals. | 8 | |
| Skiing machines | Dreadful. Very limited range of motion, essentially the scissor motion of walking. Unnatural, restrictive, silly. | 5 | PPN score: 9.8 |
| Air gliders, air walker type | So stupid it hurts to talk about it. Your punishment: Read the whole of this Site and figure it out for yourself. | 2 | PPN score: 10.1 |
| Easy/health-rider types: | Interesting in principle. Read a review at
http://suite101.com under fitness. People get back problems from this! Go
figure.
Even though it escaped the two blanket criticisms of aerobic machines regarding range of motion, it still manages a PPN of 10.1, and nearly a J score. Just who in their right mind is going to do this for 1/2 hour at a time? Covert Bailey was headed straight for heaven before he sold out on this one. Hope he likes the heat! |
4 | PPN score: 10.1 |
| Pogo Stick | For all practical purposes, more useful than any of the above. | 3 | PPN: 5-10 (at least it's interesting! |
| Trampolines | Like Pogo Sticks, except more dangerous. Not really aerobic. Justa lotta bouncin goin on! | 3 | PPN: 9-10 |
| Anaerobic | |||
| SoloFlex | Original price: $750-1500; get'em for $350 at any garage sale. Uses rubberbands, and GREAT models on their commercials, who got that way using Universal/Nautilus machines! | 7 | PPN score: 8-9 |
| Total Gym | Interesting concept, good for certain physical therapy uses. Expensive | 6 | PPN score: for "proper" audience: 1-5 general audience: 9.5 |
| Home Gyms (weight) | Kid/Teenagers could get a kick out of these things, but they seem to prefer free weights; a man thing. | 8 | PPN score: 5-9 |
| Thighmaster | Has nothing to do with the thighs. | 0 | PPN score: J! |
| Ab Isolators, etc. | Situps, anyone? | 1 | PPN score: J! |
| Chinup Bar | The Classic. | 7 | PPN score: 1-5 |
| Methods/Techniques | |||
| Walking/Running | Discussed in detail elsewhere. | 8 | PPN score: 0-5 |
| Sport of choice | Great, if done regularly | 10 | PPN score: 0-5 |
| The Heavy Hands Technique | See its own article. PPNS does not quite apply since it is essentially equipment free, but I post one for reference. | 10 | PPN score: 0-5 |
| HoloBarre System | I am trying to be unbiased, here! But the extraordinary scope of its application makes it hard not to use! | 10 | PPN score: 0-1 (!!) |
| Pilates Method | Mystical to me. It's intended users seem to stick with it, even despite its ongoing cost. | 8 | PPN score: 0-5 |
| Thigh, butt, other HSC type products | Usually hustled by some celebrity on hard times--even they couldn't be stupid enough to believe this stuff. But who knows? | 1-3 | PPN score: J! |
| Health Clubs | Serves a niche and a mentality, for which people are not screened before they take your money! | 5-10 | PPN score: 3-7 |
| Personal Trainers | Nothing against personal trainers, but I would slit my wrists before I would personally train someone. Teaching someone a technique is one thing; hanging around to watch them do it is something else. Not to be confused with Phys. rehab. | ?? | ?? |
| Instruction in Martial arts, dance, gymnastics, etc. | Beware of the contact in boxing, etc. Never mind getting clobbered; many people's joints can't take the percussive stresses. Done correctly, great stuff. Parents should make sure kids are not overtrained in gymnastics programs by over-zealous coaches. | 10+ | PPN: 0-5 |
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