Dear President Bush,

Thanks for the rebate, buddy! Woohoo! Wow! What a surprise that was! It was like reaching in to your pants' pocket and finding six hundred big ones just begging to be pissed away! My dull, boring wife wanted to put it in the bank, but I told her "No Fucking Way". (Heh-heh. I knew you'd like that.) I told her straight out that we needed to pump this money back into the economy. There are too many ailing corporations that aren't making enough money and it's up to each of us to spend as much or more than we can afford to put us back over the top. So we gave $100 to each kid and turned 'em loose at the mall. I took the leftover $400 'cuz my wife said she was gonna bank her half (and this was even after I explained it again to her). I gave the kids one rule - BUY AMERICAN. Both girls, bless their hearts, went right for the toy store and bought a bunch of pellet guns and then went over to the Disney store and bought some Beauty and the Beast lipstick. I guess there's some show about girls that kill bad guys they like. My wife and I haven't watched it, but it's probably ok cuz they said all the other kids watch it. They had about $50 left over for each of them, and they asked (cuz they been raised right) if they could blow the rest on candy and I was so tickled that I said yes.

Me? I've been looking at this HDTV for a while. It's really big. As big as Texas, you might say (ha ha!). It was about $1600, but it was really cool. My wife starts in on how we'd agreed that I'd only spend the $400 and anyway it's $1699.99, which is more like $1700 not $1600 and, yup, it's back to explaining the economy to her. And the oldest comes up and asks what we're talking about and I explain that Mommy doesn't want Daddy to buy the new TV and she starts crying and the whole store is looking at my wife. Then, and I still can't believe this happened, this woman comes up to her and tells her that we've all got to do our part to help the large corporations otherwise the economy will never get started again! Can you believe that?! You should have seen the look on my wife's face! It was priceless! She just shrugs and I know that I'm gonna be watching HDTV tonight! I whip out my credit card and head towards the counter and my wife says to use the other card cuz that one's maxed out. Ain't she the greatest?! And the kids are almost peeing themselves.

So we get out of the store and back into the mall and head towards Ground Round. My wife starts trying to bring up all the money we've just spent and all the food we have at home and I remind her that we put the TV on the credit card so we can still easily afford dinner. And she looks around and the woman from the store is right behind her and she shrugs again. Great place, that Ground Round. You oughta take Barbara there sometime.

Anyway, you probably don't have time to read this since you're on vacation and all. I just wanted to say, thanks again for the bux and I can't wait for this Social Security thing to happen. I think you're right that Americans should be trusted with their own money.


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