admits Prez run was "prank"
George W. Bush today confirmed what the majority of Americans already believed - His bid for the nation's highest office started as a prank by some Yale frat brothers.
"My folks were out of town," Bush told a sparsely attended press conference, "and, of course I thought 'PARTY' and called some old college buddies to come up for the weekend and they came up and we started, you know, drinking librations and talking about how stupid McCain was always talking about the camping finance reform thing that he talks about all the time and no one could figure out what camping and finance had to do with each other because either you can afford to go camping or not and the government shouldn't get involved with that, that's the America way, and then he'd start talking like camping and politics had something to do with each other so we're laughter about that and someone says 'Hey, you're dumber then he is! Bet you could run President!"
The three-hour press conference left those journalists who attended dazed and scrambling to piece together the story. The gist of the prank seemed to be to put forward the worst possible candidate and try to get him elected. The criterion put forth was as follows
- Drug abuser
- Alcohol abuser
- Poor student
- Perception of laziness through proximity to wealth
- Perception of success through proximity to wealth
- Strong belief in moral double standard
- Strong ignorance or ambivalence to English language
- Inability to think independently
"And I said 'Hey, that's me!'," Bush said during lucid period, ". And I felt really... weird 'cuz I wasn't really sure why I said it and everyone was really quiet and looking at me and I started sweating and I knew they couldn't really throw me out of my own house...well, my Dad's house, to be fesific..."
Apparently there followed a brief discussion of other candidates:
Gary Bauer - too short
Bob Dole - too cranky "The hand thing creeps me out. I mean, what IS that?"
Alan Keyes - sounds too much like what he says makes sense
John McCain - Camping finance reform!?
Elizabeth Dole - "C'mon! He's a girl!"
Dan Quayle - No one could remember who he was
Pat Buchanan - The only serious contender. "But he's creepier than Dole's hand."
"I'm just flubbergastric that I winned," Bush eeked. "At one point when it looked like I had a good shot at the primaries I said to the guy 'What are you, crazy? I'd be the worst president ever!' But they told me to shut up and keep going to the reading teacher."
When asked about hit immediate plans Bush crowed, "I'm going to Disneyworld!"
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