Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and all characters from the show are the property of Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, and the UPN Television Network. The Cthulhu Mythos material is loosely based on the "Call of Cthulhu" role-playing game (copyright Chaosium Inc.) and the book "Encyclopedia Cthulhiana" by Daniel Harms.
A few inches, maybe less. That's what the doctor said. If the bullet had hit a few more inches in the wrong direction, Tara would have died. And all of the light would have gone out of my world. And if a second bullet had hit a few more inches in the wrong direction, Buffy would also have died. And my only reason for living through the pain would have died with her. We hadn't been paying enough attention to the three nerds. We knew they were out there, and were planning something but we hadn't been looking closely enough at what it was. Still, we managed to figure things out before their first big job. It was close for a while but Buffy stopped them. Andrew and Jonathan were arrested but Warren escaped. He came back with a gun, and started firing wildly. One bullet hit Buffy. Another came through the window and hit Tara. I felt her blood on me, felt this absolute terror until I realized she was still alive. Then I called the ambulance. I think we may have confused the paramedics for a moment. They had two separate calls from the same address at the same time. But they managed to get both Buffy and Tara to the hospital in time. Xander went to call Giles, told him to pick Dawn up from school. He also called Anya. Meanwhile, I was in the waiting room. I could feel this rage building up inside of me. I wanted to hunt down Warren. Make him suffer and then kill him. But I couldn't leave, not while there was still doubt. Not while both Tara and Buffy were on the edge of death. It seemed like it took forever, but the doctors finally came into the waiting room. First Buffy's doctor, then Tara's. Both of them with good news. Buffy and Tara were both out of surgery and both were likely to survive. I had this moment of pure joy, then the rage started to return. I started to leave but Xander stopped me, asked where I was going. I told him that I had unfinished business, that Warren had to die. Die slowly. And that he really didn't want to get in my way. Xander didn't budge. He said that Tara wouldn't approve of magical vengeance. And that I should be there when Tara and Buffy woke up. I wanted to just fling Xander out of my way. But he was right. I still couldn't leave. Not until I'd seen them. Buffy doomed herself to bring me back to life. She made a deal with Mordiggian, the god of the ghouls. If he resurrected me, then in ten years she would become a ghoul. I know she said that she wasn't expecting to live that long before she made the deal, but at least there would have been a chance. I have to stay alive, at least as long as Buffy does. I can't let what she did be for nothing. And Tara. Tara's my love, my everything. The only time I ever feel like I have a chance of being worthy of Buffy's sacrifice is when Tara looks at me. When I can see myself through the love in her eyes. I know it isn't good to have my own happiness so completely tied to one person, but I can't help the way I feel. If Tara dies, all of the joy goes out of my life. If she dies, I won't want to go on living. Of course, I couldn't leave after I'd seen them, either. I never did get a chance to go after Warren. I suppose it was for the best. They found his body a few days after the shooting. It was all chewed up and they could only identify him from dental records. The official explanation was wild dogs, but we think it was something else: Mordiggian's followers, protecting their god's investment. Buffy is mostly recovered now, although Tara is still healing. I was so overprotective of Tara when she came home from the hospital. She tolerated it for a short while, then put her foot down. She reminded me that there was no such thing as perfect safety anywhere, especially in Sunnydale. And told me that she wasn't going to let anyone, even me, keep track of everything she did. I'm lucky that she wasn't even more upset. My idea of 24 hours a day magical surveillance was way over the top. My suggestion of an encrypted minute-by-minute daily schedule was almost as bad. I'm trying to ease up, trying not to be so scared. It's just that I came so close to losing Tara permanently. A few more inches and she would have died. A few more inches and I would have lost everything.