SPEW (released September 1999) Reasons Di Died (4:52) Club Nancy Kerrigan [Hyper-extended Dance Mix] (4:31) Leader of the Free World (3:11) Martian Blues (4:47) Vanilla (2:55) Dead Rock Stars '98 (3:57) Car Song (3:54) Plate Tectonics (9:02) Hell (6:66) REASONS DI DIED (P) 1997 Wang, Whipple (apologies to Jim Carroll) [conversation] "Princess Diana was such a great person, crusading against land mines and all." "Yeah, but her death just seems so senseless." "I don't think it was senseless. There were several good reasons she died." "What do you mean?" "I'll tell you, but first please be advised that what you are about to hear is in poor taste. The situations you will hear described are hypothetical and any references to actual persons, living or dead, are not factual." "And I suppose the opinions therein should not be construed as those of the Shrunken Headbangers, this radio station, or its management, right?" "Correct. Our counsel has opined that this is just comedy, and in bad taste at that." [sung] Charles thought he was cream, but he was only plain vanilla When they caught him on the phone, talking dirty with Camilla Yeah he was a richie, but he acted like a Potsy Would you rather die of boredom, or runnin from paparazzi? Charlie was a royal pain in the behind, probably a reason she died. Those are the reasons Di died died Princess Di, she just died Dodi was a playboy, Di was known for her shyness, He was just another snake, who was looking up her highness Di thought "Maybe he's the guy, to take me to another place" He thought "She's a hot gal, with another pretty face" Like Brooke, and Elke, or Valerie Perrine, they might be reasons she died With Paparazzi closing, Jena Paul thought he could go faster The driver did the drinking, but it was Di that he got plastered Did he stare into the mirror? Did he long to sit beside her? 'Cause that's where he wound up, after hitting the divider. He was driving the Princess out of her mind, he could be the reason she died It doesn't take Columbo, you don't gotta be MacGiver This was no accident, and it wasn't the bad driver So notify the press, call out all the bobbies Scotland Yard links the crash to the Land Mine Lobby Now the issue's been blown up sky high, they were the reason she died Elton was an oldie, disappearing from the scene Til he heard about the crash and thought "Goodbye Norma Jean" Or "Funeral for a Friend" or "Lucy in The Sky" Its almost too convenient, what was Elton's Alibi? Talk about collecting on "Royalty" Big Time, he might be the reason she died This tragedy caused multitudes to weep and wail and holler But not the Shrunken Headbangers, who saw it as big dollars For us it's opportunity for shameless exploitation Our song will be a hit around the world, across the nation For those of us depraved enough to capitalize, that's the real reason she died! NOTE: Diana, Princess of Wales, was killed in a mysterious 1997 Paris car accident whose exact cause has not been determined. Her death was undeniably tragic, but it was followed by a ridiculously overblown outpouring of attention from the media and the general public with which the Shrunken Headbangers soon became disgusted, to be frank. In our alternative view, Di was a spoiled rich girl who married into an even wealthier family, lived adulterously, and shamelessly craved media attention that rightfully should have been lavished on the Shrunken Headbangers. recorded 10/97 and 11/97 CLUB NANCY KERRIGAN [HYPER EXTENDED DANCE MIX] (P) 1994, 1997 Whipple, Wang, Laird Ever since I was a little girl, I've had this lifelong dream To be a winning figure skater for the U.S. olympic team I told this beefy bodyguard how much I wanted to win He said "let's pay a visit to Club Nancy Kerrigan" We drove around the parking lot full of empty places Cause at this club all they have are handicapped spaces The bouncer said "I'll get you in, but there is one condition You must understand that later there can be no admission" Because this club is swingin' it's no place for a wimp The floor is yours 'cause all the others walk off with a limp The bodyguard told the bouncer "my friend Tonya just went in It's payday, so we're going to Club Nancy Kerrigan" Monday night is kareoke - make your own smash hits Tuesday, be in limbo, watch your body writhe and twist Wednesday night is Country night - do the achey break Thursday is a dance contest - watch your opponent shake Friday's urban gospel night - rapping on your knees Saturday, all charges dropped and everyone goes free Sunday is Headbangers' night - commit your mortal sin That's the reason that you came to Club Nancy Kerrigan I entered in a contest to beat my competition Little did I realize how I would fall under suspicion Salcows, toeloops, axels - all the elements of style Won't make me half as famous as my own Court TV trial This club is the great American way to win olympic gold And if the club fails, I'll still get rich when movie rights are sold Let's start swinging to the rap - let the pounding beat begin Everybody's getting smashed at Club Nancy Kerrigan NOTE: On January 13, 1994 a bodyguard associated with Olympic figure sakting hopeful Tonya Harding battered the kneecap of rival figure skater Nancy Kerrigan with a modified police club. The beating temporarily crippled Kerrigan, allowing Harding to qualify for the US Olympic team against light opposition. Kerrigan was later added to the team administratively and won a silver medal. Harding's Olympic performance was marred by an interruption due to an untied skate lace. She finished ninth and was later convicted as an accomplice in the beating. We love stuff like this. recorded 10/97 original mix (recorded 1994) first appeared on Speculum LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD (P) 1998 Whipple, Wang, Laird So you want to serve your country And hail to the big chief Just be a White House intern And keep the president debriefed You'll learn all his positions And handle his hot issues In private he'll give you a mouthful But in public he won't kiss you Get down get down on your knees For the leader of the free world Work hard, play hard, aim to please Get involved in presidential affairs ... in his office Though you'll pay him much lip service The President will not remember How you helped in budget comittee And how you served his standing member Now the prez wants your submission At the eleventh hour He's checking out your figure You're in the seat of power Get down get down on your knees For the leader of the free world Push it through the budget squeeze The president is looking for pork You'll be a presidential mouthpiece He'll be a workin' insider You'll then wrestle in congress And give that bill a rider This job won't make you dirty Except for some stains on your clothes But if the president truly likes you Then this job really blows Get down get down on your knees For the leader of the free world Look good, feel good, sleep with ease When you work the executive branch NOTE: In January 1998, reports appeared in the media that the FBI had made audio tapes of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky boasting to a friend that she had engaged in oral sex with president Bill Clinton during the period 1995-1996. Initially, Lewinsky's story seemed absurd, but it was gradually revealed that Lewinsky had visited the White House 37 times after leaving her intern job in 1996, that Lewinsky had a dress stained with Clinton's semen, and that Clinton had groped another White House employee named Kathleen Willey in 1994. Clinton's denial and cover-up of these events led to his impeachment on obstruction of justice and perjury charges in 1999. Additional allegations about Clinton's sexual conduct with women have surfaced. These include demanding oral sex from an Arkansas state employee while he was governor, and Clinton's own admission that he had engaged in an extra-marital affair for many years with a woman named Gennifer Flowers, who - in fine Shrunken Headbangeresque fashion, capitalized on her fame by posing naked for a magazine. But the truly amazing story remains that a philandering president of the United States had oral sex in the White House with a woman half his age. The Shrunken Headbangers couldn't pass up the opportunity to sing about this. Our only regret is that the story of Ms. Lewinsky's singular handling of a presidential cigar weren't known at the time we wrote this song. Attention defamation lawyers: note that neither Clinton nor Lewinsky are mentioned by name in the lyrics. recorded 3/98 MARTIAN BLUES (P) 1997 Whipple, Wang I woke up this morning found out for what it's worth The women ain't no good here on this planet Earth So I got on the spaceship and headed for the stars But those low-down women treat me just as bad on Mars It's true - they do Earth women bad, Martian girls no good Jupiter women are big asteroid women are small Halley's comet women hardly come around at all Pluto women are cold Saturn women want rings And don't let a black hole woman get a hold of your thing Don't you! Earth women bad, Martian girls no good Martian girl I'd want you near But you ain't got much atmosphere Don't take my money don't two-time me And go running off with Mercury Uranus girl looks good to me Your many moons so fine to see Getting high with a Venus pup That goddamn bitch set me up And so I should've known as soon as I began it The women ain't no good here on any of these planets Those heavenly bodies that never let you kiss 'em To find a good woman you gotta leave the solar system It's true Earth women bad, Martian girls no good recorded 10/97, 6/99, and 8/99 VANILLA lyrics (P) 1998 Whipple (apologies to Blue Oyster Cult) With a purposeful grimmace and a terrible sound He throws the carton of ice cream to the ground Helpless people in fast food chains Scream "my god it's chocolate shakes again" He picks up some candy and he throws it back down As wades through the aisles where the cookies are all brown Oh no, this chocolate has to go there's no vanilla oooo Oh no, just mint-filled Oreos there's no vanilla VAnilla vanilla vaNILLA etc. Oh no, this chocolate has to go there's no vanilla oooo Oh no, just mint-filled Oreos there's no vanilla History shows again and again vanilla's the favorite flavor of men, vanilla! History shows again and again vanilla's the favorite flavor of men, vanilla! History shows again and again vanilla's the favorite flavor of men, vanilla! recorded 7/98 and 8/98 (first appeared on WHFS Lunch Songs) Jack Schitt: guitar DEAD ROCK STARS ‘98 (P) 1994, 1998 Whipple, Wang, Laird Jimi Hendrix went to kiss the sky Buddy Holly couldn't get that high Frank Zappa died while his prostate was swollen But it wasn't as big as Elvis' colon Sid Vicious shot up, fell down, and twitched Momma Cass choked on a sandwich Mark David Chapman, he wasn't loco His aim was bad, and he just missed Yoko To you dead rock stars, we bid so long Thanks for the topic for our new song Where do rock stars go when they die? To the big Headbangers' gig in the sky yeah yeah Skynyrd's free bird should have flown a bit higher No one can light Jim Morrison's fire How'd Curt Cobain ever commit suicide? You know he failed the first time he tried Sonny Bono skied off to his end Jerry Garcia’s now the devil’s best friend Michael Hutchence gave himself neck sprain John Denver left on a jet plane chorus Jimi Hendrix rose like a comet Till he choked on his own vomit Zeppelin fans could hardly believe it When Jon Bonham was unable to heave it Little Feat fans were all thunderstruck When Lowell George swallowed his upchuck The Spinal Tap drummer convulsed with belches But the vomit he choked on was somebody else's Karen Carpenter went on a diet A gunshot from dad made Marvin Gaye quiet Freddie Mercury got AIDS from his lover Steve Ray Vaughn's chopper could not hover Dwayne Allman's bike ran into a peach truck Janis's drug habit just ran amok Dennis Wilson was a human depth gauge Roy Orbison just died of old age chorus recorded 5/98 and 8/99 original version (recorded 1994) first appeared on Speculum CAR SONG (P) 1997 Whipple, Laird V4 power doors automatic on the floor on demand four by four customized it my way AM radio rack-and-pinion bumper tow watch this baby go down the information highway dial-up cruise control halogen-lighted console leather intake manifold rotating antenna Velcro luggage rack digital hydraulic tach quadraphonic 8-track oh yeah That's my car I got it free Don't drive around the world, the world drives around me I love my car she doesn't run But her back seat is big and that is half the fun ragtop collecting dust held together by the rust though I have to take the bus I get to read the paper up on blocks, missing wheels, finely tuned brake squeals oil leaking from the seals, guess I'll have to tape her drive shaft, curvaceous bod, double clutch my hot rod all the chicks will think think I'm God once my engine's hummin' flames painted on the hood, wiper blades are looking good a statement on my manhood oh yeah That's my car I got it free Don't drive around the world, the world drives around me I love my car she doesn't run But her back seat is big and that is half the fun Some folks think that cars should all go fast But with today's high cost of gas The thing that matters most to me Is having fuel efficiency So most of the time I just stay Safely parked right in my driveway My car's not so great anyway I don't think it could go too far But every guy should love his car And I do... She's my car I got her free Don't drive around the world, the world drives around me I love my car she doesn't run But her back seat is big and that is half the fun Yeah that's my car I got it free Don't drive around the world, the world drives around me I love my car she doesn't run But her back seat is big and that is all the fun recorded 10/97, 11/97, 5/98, 8/99 and 9/99 PLATE TECTONICS (P) 1999 Whipple, Wang (Booming voice) Deep within the bowels of the earth, immense forces of unimaginable scale, capable of pushing the very bedrock of the planet, thrusting up mountains that tower into the sky, over billions and billions of years. (Side voice) Was there a verb in that sentence? (Booming voice) The fossil record and undeniable paleoclimatic evidence point to one unassailable fact: large land masses, which today may lie thousands of miles apart, were at one time in the distant past actually connected. The relationships of the continents with each other were once very different from those we see now. Over time, bodies of land came together and pulled apart, driven by that unfathomable yet irresistable force that we call: PLATE TECTONICS. (sung) Hey, you fine young molton mass Haven’t seen you around this ‘hood Laurasia’s your name? I’m Gondwana Your topography is looking good I’m filled with hot boiling magma When you shake your mid-Atlantic rift Cause something you do keeps me erupting If you get my continental drift Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate Oooh, can you feel my lava oozin’? Baby, you’re makin’ my rocks groan I’ll thrust out my granitic intrusion When you squeeze my orogenic zone Girl, you get your sea floor spreading Here comes my volcanic enormity I wanna see you slidin’ down My angular unconformity Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate Together we’re a perfect fit When we meet, the mountains move We’re shakin’ up the Richter scale We’re down with that subduction groove Shake it baby seismic Sh- shake it baby big Sh- sh- sh- shake it baby ooo Sh- sh- sh- sh- shake it baby cataclysmic! Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate We used to bump and grind together Till you started to wander ‘round You pulled away, became detached And now we stand on shaky ground Granite, our ithsmus was sedimentary But this stress mica make it fail You were so gneiss but now you’re schist Our bedrock has grown old and shale Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate You think you’re such upper strata You point out my faults and break my heart Together we were once Pangea But now we seem to drift apart You’re putting me continental shelf You’re sitting me on the ocean bench Can you blame a guy with a seismic upwelling For checking out Mariana’s trench? Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate You left ‘cause he’s got a bigger peninsula But there’s more to me than my land mass You’ll find I’m no ordinary guyot I’ll go volcanic on his punk ass When I find that igneous craton I’ll collide with him land to land Crush him under like old crust scrappings Cause all is fair in love and- Plate plate tectonics plate plate tectonics Plate plate tectonics plate recorded 8/99 and 9/99 HELL (P) 1998, 1999 Whipple, Wang Roasted in the furnace Raked across hot coals As Satan’s evil minions Barbeque your soul Fire-breathing demons Leave you disemboweled The devil wields his pitchfork To cruelly fling your carcass deep into the fiery pits of hell--forever Hell--forever Hell-- Your limbs are torn asunder And cast into the flames As hell’s unholy vassals Feast upon your brains Spikes thrust under your fingernails While you’re twisted on the rack by your own entrails Repeatedly raped by the insatiable Barbed penises of drooling hounds from hell--forever Hell--forever Hell-forever Hell-- Lucifer laughs at your torment As he drops you in a vat of boiling excrement Venemous serpents wriggle through your skull As your flesh burns forever in the vile cesspools of hell--forever Hell--forever Hell-forever Hell-- Hell lasts forever Hell lasts forever Hell lasts forever Hell lasts forever There’s no one to blame except YOU Welcome to hell welcome to hell recorded 3/98, 7/98, 7/99, and 8/99 Jack Schitt: guitar ******************************************************** THE CD VERSION OF SPEW ALSO INCLUDES THESE BONUS TRACKS: - "Foodstuffs," one of the WHFS Lunch Songs - "Smells Like Fish," one of the unreleased WHFS Lunch Songs - "Smells Like Yeast," another unreleased WHFS Lunch Song - "She Won't Swallow," yet another unreleased WHFS Lunch Song - "I'll Pick Around," still yet another unreleased WHFS Lunch Song - "Reasons Di Died" as aired on WHFS 3/10/98 - "Microwave" as aired on WHFS 9/23/98 - "Burritos" as aired on WHFS 9/30/98 - "Vanilla" as aired on WHFS 10/1/98 - "Slim" as aired on WHFS 10/14/98 - "Foodstuffs" as aired on WHFS 10/28/98 - "Poisoned By Mom" as aired on WHFS 10/27/98