SPECULUM (released November 1994) (digitally remastered for CD July-August 2000) Aliens Abducted Me (4:37) Chia Pet Farm (4:27) Club Nancy Kerrigan (3:10) Dead Rock Stars (3:45) Selling Body Organs (4:00) Wo Woe Whoa Wough (2:20) Get So Hungry (4:56) Bodyart Girl (2:54) Please Hold (4:48) Secret Asian Man (3:38) Medley (4:01) Flaming Nazi Biker Babes of Edinburgh Bagels and Lochs Knee Deep in Shetland She Kicks Me Bonnie 'Lil Lass O'Scarmeyer's Wee Neurosis Scotland the Brave (Out of Kilt Mix) Scotland the Brave (Going For Brogue Mix) ALIENS ABDUCTED ME (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang Aliens abducted me forced me to have Elvis' baby Told them that their act was heinous still they took me to Uranus I said "take me to your leader" so they dragged me off to meet her Found out that her name was Elvis saw it tatooed on her pelvis Knew I was in trouble when she said "I need Earthling men" And despite my heartfelt plea Elvis had her way with me Woke up with my head a-spinnin' Bigfoot came to change the linen The Lindbergh baby, the holy grail, and Jimmy Hoffa were all there I said "let my people go" we boarded a UFO Saw the Fasten Seat Belt sign lit Amelia Earhardt was our pilot We were headed back to Earth when I started giving birth We careened out of control into the Bermuda triangle Woken by this foul aroma from my ninety-five year coma I was spared, I think it's maybe to raise my three hundred pound baby Everyone's derogatory nobody believes my story Proof the president's corrupt is this government cover-up Aliens abducted me and nobody believes my story recorded 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Green Lunger, Dawg, Mickey CHIA PET FARM (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang/Laird This is a day of joy A Chia Pet has joined the family, but understand a pet is not a toy It takes commitment, responsibility For you must water and feed them lest you create a senseless tragedy Like those you see Down on the Chia Pet Farm Down on the Chia Pet Farm They're living in squalid conditions Suffering malnutrition We've got an obligation To stop this exploitation This is a day to weep For the forsaken and putrifying Chia corpses piled hundreds deep Pity the orphan, the helpless Chia pup Whose parents died when you thoughtlessly left your car windows all rolled up Their young lives snuffed Out at the Chia Pet Farm Out at the Chia Pet Farm They're living in squalid conditions Suffering malnutrition We've got an obligation To stop this exploitation In less time than it takes to sing this song, over 300 unwanted Chia pets will die at the hands of unscrupulous Chia pet ranchers. In America alone, another 40 will suffer slow and inhumane deaths in the rusty traps of Chia pet poachers. Stranded without food or water, these desperate creatures must resort to gnawing off their own legs in a futile struggle for freedom. Is such cruelty worth it? More than 600 Chia pets must die to provide enough Chia pelt to make a single pair of socks. Only you can stop this tragedy... Down on the Chia Pet Farm Down on the Chia Pet Farm They're living in squalid conditions Suffering malnutrition We've got an obligation To stop this exploitation recorded 6/94 and 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Dawg, Green Lunger CLUB NANCY KERRIGAN (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang/Laird Ever since I was a little girl, I've had this lifelong dream To be a winning figure skater for the U.S. olympic team I told this beefy bodyguard how much I wanted to win He said "let's pay a visit to Club Nancy Kerrigan" We drove around the parking lot full of empty places Cause at this club all they have are handicapped spaces The bouncer said "I'll get you in, but there is one condition You must understand that later there can be no admission" Because this club is swingin' it's no place for a wimp The floor is yours 'cause all the others walk off with a limp The bodyguard told the bouncer "my friend Tonya just went in It's payday, so we're going to Club Nancy Kerrigan" Monday night is kareoke - make your own smash hits Tuesday, be in limbo, watch your body writhe and twist Wednesday night is Country night - do the achey break Thursday is a dance contest - watch your opponent shake Friday's urban gospel night - rapping on your knees Saturday, all charges dropped and everyone goes free Sunday is Headbangers' night - commit your mortal sin That's the reason that you came to Club Nancy Kerrigan I entered in a contest to beat my competition Little did I realize how I would fall under suspicion Salcows, toeloops, axels - all the elements of style Won't make me half as famous as my own Court TV trial This club is the great American way to win olympic gold And if the club fails, I'll still get rich when movie rights are sold Let's start swinging to the rap - let the pounding beat begin Everybody's getting smashed at Club Nancy Kerrigan NOTE: On January 13, 1994 a bodyguard associated with Olympic figure skating hopeful Tonya Harding battered the kneecap of rival figure skater Nancy Kerrigan with a modified police club. The beating temporarily crippled Kerrigan, allowing Harding to qualify for the US Olympic team against light opposition. Kerrigan was later added to the team administratively and won a silver medal. Harding's Olympic performance was marred by an interruption due to an untied skate lace. She finished ninth and was later convicted as an accomplice in the beating. recorded 2/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Dawg, Green Lunger DEAD ROCK STARS (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang/Laird Jimi Hendrix went to kiss the sky Buddy Holly couldn't get that high Frank Zappa died while his prostate was swollen But it wasn't as big as Elvis' colon Sid Vicious shot up, fell down, and twitched Momma Cass choked on a sandwich Mark David Chapman, he wasn't loco His aim was bad, and he just missed Yoko To you dead rock stars, we bid so long Thanks for the topic for our new song Where do rock stars go when they die? To the big Headbangers' gig in the sky yeah yeah Skynyrd's free bird should have flown a bit higher No one can light Jim Morrison's fire How'd Curt Cobain ever commit suicide? You know he failed the first time he tried chorus Jimi Hendrix rose like a comet Till he choked on his own vomit Zeppelin fans could hardly believe it When Jon Bonham was unable to heave it Little Feat fans were all thunderstruck When Lowell George swallowed his upchuck The Spinal Tap drummer convulsed with belches But the vomit he choked on was somebody else's Karen Carpenter went on a diet A gunshot from dad made Marvin Gaye quiet Freddie Mercury got AIDS from his lover Steve Ray Vaughn's chopper could not hover Dwayne Allman's bike ran into a peach truck Janis's drug habit just ran amok Dennis Wilson was a human depth gauge Roy Orbison just died of old age chorus recorded 7/94 and 8/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Dawg, Mickey, Green Lunger SELLING BODY ORGANS (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang/Laird Bought a new Mercedes Benz With the proceeds from the sale of my vas deferens I'm thinking about a limosine I've got three guys bidding up the price of my spleen I've got two kidneys, but I just need one Pay me forty grand for my extra lung Cashing in the treasures that I find within Selling body organs selling body organs Jetting to the south of France When I close the deal on the sale of my adrenal glands Gonna climb the corporate ladder Spin off a subsidiary with the rights to my gall bladder When you're low on insulin, I'm your man Got an archipelago of Langerhans Mortgaging the treasures that I find within Selling body organs selling body organs I'll surprise my wife with a new mink fur Pinching pennies while I'm dumping my sphincter Squeezing out the profits that I find within Selling body organs selling body organs recorded 6/94 and 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Dawg, Green Lunger WO WOE WHOA WOUGH (P) 1994 Whipple/Laird (with apologies to Crash Test Dummies) Once there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school But when he finally came back his hair had changed from black into bright white He said it happened when the cars had smashed so hard Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop Once there was this girl who wouldn't change with the other girls in the change room And when they finally made her they saw birthmarks all over her body She couldn't quite explain it had always just been there Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop Both girl and boy were glad four guys were worse than that Once there was this band who didn't have much talent and was morally corrupt But when they wrote a new song they shook society to its very foundations They couldn't quite explain but they always made money Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop Wo woe whoa wough wo woe whoa whoop recorded: 6/94 and 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Dawg, Green Lunger GET SO HUNGRY (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang I heard this story about a man and a woman Consumed so much by their love for each other they did something unspeakable They always wanted to be part of each other So they shared their bodies in a way society deems is unacceptable It's the ultimate way to say "I love you, baby" When I look at you I get so hungry They both sat down to a candlelight dinner He took her hand and for appetizers they had fresh ladyfingers He poured the wine, she tossed the salad, He brought the meat and lovingly lent her a hand marinading hers It's the ultimate way to say "I love you, baby" When I look at you I get so hungry It's the ultimate way to say "I love you, baby" When I look at you I get so hungry He warmly vowed to give his left arm for her She was touched and tenderly nibbled his ear it was incredible They were both devoured by a passion all-consuming And head over heels they went to pieces in a love so good it's edible It's the ultimate way to say "I love you, baby" When I look at you I get so hungry I get so hungry I get so hungry recorded 10/94 and 11/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Dawg, Mickey, Green Lunger BODYART GIRL (P) 1993 Whipple She, she's got jewelry in her nose A unicorn tattooed across her chest And she has a piercing through her toes A nipple ring is hanging from one breast She's my little bodyart girl She's my little bodyart girl She's my little bodyart girl She has a picture on her thigh A barbell pierced through each set of her lips And she has these scars on either side She was branded with some red-hot paperclips chorus She has a perforated tongue The biggest guage of jewelry you can get She has a hole right through her skull 'Cause trepanation is the ultimate chorus recorded 8/93 and 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Lunger, Mickey PLEASE HOLD (P) 1994 Whipple/Wang I've got a problem I might kill myself I've got a loaded gun I really need someone to talk to Before I pull the trigger I'm here to help you I'm Joe, a trained professional I'll help you work things through But my girlfriend's on line two So hold please while I take her call Suicide Hotline help me! Before I blow my brains out help me! I called to talk with someone My story must be told The Hotline said "please hold" I'm very sorry I'm Joe's supervisor You shouldn't have to wait I'm going to set Joe straight So hang on, while I go correct him Suicide Hotline help me! Before I blow my brains out help me! I called to talk with someone My story must be told The Hotline said "please hold" recorded 2/94 and 7/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Green Lunger, Dawg, Miss Molly SECRET ASIAN MAN lyrics (P) 1994 Wang/Whipple/Laird (with apologies to Johnny Rivers) There's a kid who failed a high school math test In physics class his teachers weren't impressed He let his hair grow long He's no good at ping pong His pocket protector just fell off his chest Secret Asian Man Secret Asian Man He failed a high school math test Now he's in a punk rock band Prepping to get into Cal Tech one day Flunking out of Clemson on the next day He can't hack M.I.T. So he works in laundry He'll have your shirts ready for you by Monday Secret Asian Man Secret Asian Man He failed a high school math test Now he's in a punk rock band Secret Asian Man Secret Asian Man He failed a high school math test Now he's in a punk rock band I come many mile inside of big boat Is not it enough to build your lairload? I not ordinary Joe With haricut just rike Moe I make million dollar singing these note Secret Asian Man Secret Asian Man He failed a high school math test Now he's in a punk rock band recorded 7/94, 10/94, and 11/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Mickey, Green Lunger, Dawg MEDLEY: (P) 1994 Whipple FLAMING NAZI BIKER BABES OF EDINBURGH * BAGELS AND LOCHS * KNEE DEEP IN SHETLAND * SHE KICKS ME BONNIE 'LIL LASS * O'SCARMEYER'S WEE NEUROSIS ** ? SCOTLAND THE BRAVE (OUT OF KILT MIX) ** SCOTLAND THE BRAVE (GOING FOR BROGUE MIX) ** * original music (P) 1994 Whipple ** this arrangement (P) 1994 the Shrunken Headbangers ? melody shamelessly derived from the Oscar MeyerTM theme song recorded: 10/94 and 11/94 Headbangers: Skippy, Dawg, Green Lunger, Mickey *************************************************** THE CD VERSION OF SPECULUM ALSO INCLUDES: - A cover of "Found Out About You," recorded for the band's 1994 Demo Tape - A live recording of the Cracker song "Low," recorded March 1994 - A cover of the Live song "I Alone," recorded July 1994 - "Club Nancy Kerrigan" as aired on WHFS 2/15/94 - "Chia Pet Farm" as aired on WWDC (DC-101) 9/14/94 - "Wo Woe Whoa Wough" as aired on WHFS 3/1/95 - "Selling Body Organs" as aired on WHFS 3/3/95