Shrunken Headbangers' Lead Guitarist
Ratko Serin Abducted by Aliens!

Amazing photo of his final moment on Earth:


WASHINGTON, DC May 3, 1998 (SHB News) Ratko Serin, guitar player for the
internationally reknown shock-and-roll band, the Shrunken Headbangers, was abducted
by space aliens on May 2, 1998. The above photograph documents Ratko's disappearance
outside the band's Washington D.C. practice facility. The aliens have demanded that
the Headbangers pay a one million dollar ransom for Ratko's release. To this end, the
Shrunken Headbangers have established the Return Ratko Ransom Fund, and the band
is asking its fans for contributions (see below). These photographs provide irrefutable
evidence that the aliens have taken Ratko onto their alien spacecraft, where they
performed diabolical experiments that involved ravaging his body with large anal
probes and other intrusive devices:


ROSWELL, NM July 5, 1998 (SHB News) Ratko Serin, the Shrunken Headbangers
guitar player whose kidnapping by aliens in May was the first alien abduction
to be irrefutably documented, may still be alive! There have been sightings of Mr.
Serin in the company of aliens around the world. Photographs of the unfortunate
victim, taken in locations as diverse as Dollywood, Tennessee and Roswell, New Mexico
have been authenticated. The aliens' strategy appears to be one of periodically
dropping Mr. Serin back onto the planet Earth to prove his continued existence so
that fans of the infamous shock-and-roll band for which he plays will contribute to
his ransom fund. While decrying these tactics, the band released a statement today
encouraging its fans to donate as much as they can afford to the Return Ratko Fund
so that the band may continue performing. Inexplicably, the response to date from
fans of the self-described "band with no shame" has been tepid, but a spokesman
for the Headbangers said that the band expects large sums to be forthcoming soon.


CARHENGE, NEBRASKA September 17, 1998 (SHB News) Controversy has erupted
in the strange case of the alleged abduction of Ratko Serin, guitarist for the
infamous media-spotlight-seeking band the Shrunken Headbangers. Earlier this year,
the band reported that Mr. Serin had been abducted by space aliens who were demanding
a one million dollar ransom for his safe return. At that time, the band released
several photographs of Mr. Serin in the company of what appeared to be aliens taken
from several locations around the world. However, forensic experts who examined the
evidence closely have determined that the photographs are not, in fact, authentic
pictures of Mr. Serin with aliens, but rather crude forgeries. The photograph of the
alleged moment of Mr. Serin's abduction appears to be a cut-and-paste composite image,
while most of the other photographs simply show Mr. Serin in the company of a human
female wearing a Halloween alien mask. In light of the apparent fraud perpetrated
by the band, Federal prosecutors are considering filing charges against the Shrunken
Headbangers for using false pretenses to obtain money from their fans.


ALEXANDRIA, VA October 31, 1998 (SHB News) The strange saga of Shrunken
Headbangers' guitar player Ratko Serin ended abruptly this afternoon. The musician, whom
the band reported to have been abducted by space aliens, was seen performing live with
the so-called "band with no shame" at a WAFC party at Fort Hunt Park this afternoon.
At first glance, the individual playing guitar on stage today actually appeared to be
an alien, but knowledgeable sources confirmed what close inspection also revealed:
the person playing guitar for the band today was actually a human wearing an alien mask.
Fans of the Shrunken Headbangers were able to identify the guitarist as the allegedly
abducted Mr. Serin himself by his sloppy play and many mistakes. After the show,
disgruntled members of the audience openly speculated that the band had staged Serin's
abduction so as to solicit funds from gullible fans. One angry fan fumed that the guitar
player, far from being an unwilling abductee in need of ransom money as the band claimed,
had instead simply been cavorting across the continent on an extended vacation. One
source close to the band who asked to remain anonymous, admitted as much and revealed
that the band had used the abduction story as yet another ruse to bilk fans of their
hard-earned money. However, it appears that few fans ever believed the story, and none
actually gave money to the band. Citing ongoing legal action, the band members refused
to comment on the case.


Return Ratko Ransom Fund

AMOUNT DEMANDED: $1,000,000.00