The Puns Corps Calendar
(as seen in the 1988 Chase’s Calendar of events)
{For info: Bob Birch, The Puns Corps, Falls Church Va, 22042. 703.5333.668}:
Tom Sawyer’s Cat’s Birthday. Jan3. To bring into focus Tom Sawyer’s mania for doing things the hard way—e.g., he wanted to dig a tunnel to free Jim instead of just announcing that Jim had been freed. In that spirit, Tom Sawyerists world wide may show how “burrow-crats” complicate life by finding difficult and expensive ways of doing things, like pretending that Tom’s cat taught Tom, by telepathy, how to become a congressman and then a general in the Civil War, and what to do then. The pretense is that the cat is super-intelligent and is the mastermind behind the confusion in Congress and the Army, to make sure that no one will challenge the wast and cushy hobs set up to get simple jobs done.
Trivia Day. Jan 4. In celebration of those who know all sorts of facts and/or have doctorates in uselessology.
One-Twoth Rhee Landing Day. Jan 23. Observed in the vicinity of all government offices to celebrate beginning the “confusionist” branch of American “burrocracy.” One-Tooth Rhee, mythical Korean inventor of the custom of each official wearing four hats so that contradictory sets of instructions can be given with each job title.
Nothing Day. Feb 12. To bring dignity or trignity to the art of “nothing” of “nothing” and to help “nothers” find imaginative ways to fill in the blanks of their job applications
Hemlock Day. Mar 5. To honor the legendary Taffy Hemlock, supposed inventrix of a procedure for attaching padlocks around the hem of her skirt so that it would not be blown upward by inquisitive winds that might let her ankles get freckled. Celebrated the True-Blue Law Society with patent searches to determine when/if the idea was ever patented.
Moth-er Day. Mar 14. A day set aside to honor moth collectors and specialists. Celebrated in museums or libraries with moth collections.
Memory Day. Mar 21. To encourage awareness of the traditional (Furst) memory system. Study historic examples of the writings of Milton, Thomas Gray, Longfellow, Lincoln, and others, which used the following equivalents for structure and organization:
|
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
t |
n |
m |
r |
l |
ch,j,sh, |
k,q,hard-g |
f,v |
b,p |
Armenian Appreciation Day. Apr 3. Lighthearted look at the contribution of legendary Armenians such as Palboonian (Paul Bunyan) and Torontonian to American folklore, with special emphasis on studies of the relationship of the Smithsonian Institution Collection to the history Armenian-American folklore.
Lumpy Rug Day. May 3. To encourage the custom of teasing bigots and trigots for shoving unwelcome facts under the rug. The legend of Thiri is that when many cans of worms have been shoved under the rug, the defenders of the status quo obtain a new rug high enough to cover the unwanted facts.
Loomis Day. May 30. To honor Mahlon Loomis, a Washington DC dentist who received a US patent on wireless telegraphy in 1872 (before Marconi was born). Titled “An Improvement in Telegraphing,” the patent described how to do without the wires; this patent was backed up by experiment on the Massanutten Mountains of Virginia.
Chimborazo Day. Jun 3. To bring the shape of the earth into focus by publicizing the fact that Mount Chimborazo, Ecuador, near the equator, pokes further out into space than anyother mountain on earth, including Mt Everest. (The distance from sea level at the equator to the center of the earth is 13 miles greater than the radios to sea level at the north pole. This means that New Orleans is about 6 miles further from the center of the earth than is Lake Itaska at the headwaters of the Mississippi, so the Mississippi flows uphill.)
Compliment-Your-Mirror Day. Jul 3 Participation consists of complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you.
Veep Day. Aug 9. Recalling the day in 1974 when Richard Nixon’s resignation let Gerald Ford succeed to the presidency of the US. This was the first the new Constitutional provisions for the presidential succession took effect.
Bison-Ten-Yell Day. Sep 2. Honoring the ‘bicentennial” of the imaginary birth of Bison-Ten-Yell, imaginary inventor of a set of ten battle yells as signals, based on the traditional memory aid system eventually adopted by football players. (The b and s sounds of “bas3eball account for the fact that it is 90 feet from one base to the next on a baseball diamond, since b and s stand for 9 and 0.)
Swap Ideas Day. Sep 10. To encourage people to explore ways in which their ideas can be put to work for the benefit of humanity, and to encourage development of incentives that will encourage use of creative imagination.
Destiny Day. Oct 12. Honoring the Dutch sailor Piet de Stuini, or Destynie, who persuaded Columbus to change the log and make it esem that Oct 12 was the date of the first New World landing. The real date, Oct 13, might have caused superstitious fear in the other sailors or in potential investors in later voyages. The change was detected by an Italian history study group named the Colombiani.
Death/Duty Day. Nov 11. Honoring soldiers on both sides who died on Nov 11, 1918, the armistice of Waffenstillstand day that ended the fighting in the First World War of 1914-18. The order was to stop fighting at 11 AM, rather than on receipt of the order.
A’phabet Day. Dec 25. Also known as “No-L” Day, this celebration is to help out people who do not want to send Christmas cards but who want to greet their friends; so they send out cards with the “A’phabet” )the alphabet with no L) listing the letters of the alphabet in order, but with a gap where the L would be.