GO HOOS!! Congratulations, UVA football! What a fantastic win over Tech! Great game!
UVA and VA Tech have a long-standing rivalry, so as a UVA alum, I find these jokes particularly entertaining. I do not mean any of these jokes seriously, so please do not send me any Hokie-hate-mail. If you have any good UVA or Tech jokes, I'll be glad to post them! Thanks, CG.

Q: What happens when you drive slowly through Blacksburg?
A: You get a degree.

Q: Why do Va. Tech grads hang their diplomas on their rear view mirrors?
A: They have to show some proof that they deserve to park in that handicap parking space.

Q: Why don't Hokies have ice on the sidelines during their games?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

Q: What's the difference between the Va. Tech Hokies and Frosted Flakes?
A: Frosted Flakes know what to do when they are in a bowl.

There's a guy from UVa (Wahoo) driving from Charlottesville to Blacksburg, and a guy from Va Tech (Hokie) driving from Blacksburg to Charlottesville.

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Hokie manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the Wahoo scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"

The Hokie walks over to the Wahoo and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals." The Wahoo thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck."

So the Wahoo pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jim Beam. He says to the Hokie, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship." The Hokie says, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jim Beam. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Hokie hands it back to the Wahoo and says, "Your turn!"

The Wahoo twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

Q: How many Hokies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but they get four credits for it.

Q: After they've taken the course, how many Hokies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - downtown Blacksburg looks better in the dark.

Q: How many UVA students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.

Q: How many Virginia Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to change the bulb, and two to discuss how they did it as well as a UVA student.

A group of Hokies strut into a bar chanting "51 days! 51 Days!" They're high-fiving and slapping each other on the back. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" to the head Hokie. Head Hokie yells, "Champagne! We're celebrating! 51 days! 51 days!" Bartender asks, "What exactly is with this '51 days?' "
Head Hokie answers, "We bought a puzzle marked marked from '3 to 5 years' and we finished it in 51 days!!! Whoo-hoo!!! 51 days! 51 days!"

Q: How do you keep Hokies out of your backyard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Did you know that Mr. Rogers was supposed to be the guest speaker at Va. Tech's graduation in May?
A: Yeah, but they had to turn him down because he used too many big words.

Q: Did you know the Rolling Stones are playing at Lane Stadium in Blacksburg?
A: Yeah, I heard that they were 10-point favorites.

Q: Why should the Hokies change their name to the Oppossums?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: You know Beavis & Butthead are out of work. What ever happened to them?
A: They're professors in the English department at Va. Tech.

A ventriloquist from Virginia walked into a bar just off the Virginia Tech campus and asked the manager if he could do a little performance. The manager thought no harm could be done and agreed. The ventriloquist grabbed a stool, sat down and began telling jokes about the Virginia Tech football team. Suddenly, a huge man wearing an Virginia Tech T-shirt walked over and said, "Listen buddy, I don't know who you think you are telling all these jokes about our football team. I for one will not put up with it!" The ventriloquist quickly appologized and said he would leave. The large man exclaimed "I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to that little man sitting on your lap!"

--- If we allowed Virginia Tech to become its own republic, the state of Virginia's average IQ would rise 50 points!

Q: What's a Hokie's idea (imagine that) of a seven-course meal?
A: A six-pack of Bud and a can of Skoal tobacco. Q: What do you do when Hokie tries to start an argument you?
A: Tell the Hokie that my mother always told me never to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Q: What happens when you tell a Hokie it's chilly outside?
A: They'd run outside with a bowl and spoon.

A Virginia Tech football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.

Q: Why does a Hokie remind me of opium?
A: Because they are slow-working dopes!

Q: Why people say that Hokies have no brains?
A: Well, it's true. When God was handing out brains, the Hokies were holding the door (yes, it is a collective effort).

Q: How do you confuse a Va. Tech Hokie?
A: Give a him/her a pack of M&M's tell 'em to alphabetize them.

Q: What happened when the Va. Tech library burned down?
A: Both of their books burned up.

Q: What did the Va. Tech Hokie football team get on their SATs?
A: Drool.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a Va. Tech Hokie?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.


I sent Heather these jokes:

How many UVA students does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one: he holds it in place and the world revolves around him.

How many Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to change it, and four to insist that Tech can change it just as well as UVA can.

Well, Heather replied:

How many Tech students does it take to come to the conclusion that elitist jokes made by UVA students are really a mask to hide their deep-seeded feeling of inadequacy?
Just one!

How many UVA students does it take to take umbrage at my silly joke (which has some truth to it)?
Five: one to analyze the joke and the other four to argue its basic principles rooted in the "welcome to the University of Virginia brochure" given to freshman, who are convinced that Tommy J wrote it.

To which I replied:

How many UVA students does it take to give a Tech student a swift kick in the ass?
Just one. But others are welcome to join in.

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