Part 4


What's the difference between a conspiracy and a character flaw?
Don't feel bad, Hillary doesn't know either.

What did Bill say to Hillary after sex?
I'll be home in 20 minutes!

Clinton received a letter from a man who says he'll break his legs if he bothers his wife one more time. Clinton goes Vern Jordon and asks what he ought to do. Vernon says, contact the man and promise never to see the man's wife again. Clinton says, "I can't, the guy didn't sign his name".

Why is Hillary supporting Bill?
She needs him in office to give her a pardon!

What is the perfect solution for Clinton's inclination towards filandering in the White House?
Send in Lorena Bobbit in as an INTERN!!

Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that the whole Monica thing would go away. The genie says he'll take a second look at the map of the Middle East.

B>How can you describe Bill Clinton's current problem?
He's caught between Iraq and a hard on!

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A screwdriver turns in screws, and Clinton screws in-terns

What was Bill & Monica's favorite movie to watch together?
Sex,Lies and Audiotapes

"Monica Lewinsky" is an anagram of "wank my silicone"!

A caddy who had been working a golf outing that had the president, OJ. Ted Kennedy and Paula Jones in the same foresome was setting in the locker room with his head down running his fingers through his hair. Joe one of the other caddys said, "You look bad. Was your group any good?"
" No!" Joe said. "It took forever to complete the round."
"What was the problem?" his friend asked, "Didn't they play well?"
"No," Joe said, "their game has not improved any."
"What do you mean?"
"Well Paula Jones is still hooking, OJ was slicing, Ted Kennedy was still in the water, and Clinton was trying to improve his lie.

What will Bill Clinton be known for when compared with other presidents?
The president after Bush.

Why is Bill Clinton a bad carpenter?
Because every time he screws, his cabinet falls apart.

"Monica Lewinsky Nicknames for Bill Clinton"
from Late Night with David Letterman

10. Puffy the Intern Slayer
9. Sheriff Bubba
8. The Chief Sexecutive
7. Unnamed High-Ranking Official
6. My Sweet Impeachable You
5. The Little Rock Rascal
4. El Presidente del Armor
3. Tubby Dearest
2. Commander-in-Briefs
1. Free Willie 2

What did Clinton say to Al Gore about the whole affair?
"Pardon Me"

A woman calls the White House on the phone. Hillary Clinton answers. Hillary says, "Sorry, mam, this is not the National Weather Service." President Bill hears the short conversation and asks, "Who was that?" Hillary says, "Oh, some gal asking if the coast was clear."

How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?
When you have to wipe the "White-Water" off your blouse......

I keep hearing people from Clinton's inner circle talk on radio and television saying that they are behind President Clinton 100%. Good idea, since it's obviously not safe to stand in front of him.

Updated 1/30/98

I'm convinced the whole Clinton fiasco was due to a misunderstanding. The intern was supposed to help with the President's "ELECTION."

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?

How ironic... this is the second time in history a "Deep Throat" has been at the center of a presidential controversy.

I heard on the radio airwavs that the republicans are calling President Clinton, the "UNABANGER."

What`s the difference between Hugh Grant and Bill Clinton ?
One`s a bad actor whose career went down the toilet after he got caught out after getting a blow job. The other was the star of Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Nixon was the crooked President who followed Johnson.
Clinton is the sitting President with a crooked Johnson.

What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?

What did Ronald Reagan say after hearing President Clinton's latest State of the Union speech?
You know, Nancy, the man is a better actor than I ever was.

I heard that Monica Lewinski's new job may be Director of the Head Start Program.

In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the President's Women."

Bill Clinton might have been one of the best presidents this country ever had, if he had only screwed Lorena Bobbit instead of Gennifer Flowers!

"Cool Things About Having an Affair with The President"
from The Late Show with David Letterman

10. At request, nuclear launch code change to "90210."
9. Your old job: beautician at strip mall. Your new job: Secretary of Commerce.
8. You now belong to a selected group of 48,000 women.
7. Allowed to drive the rarely seen Presidential van.
6. Get to pick up red phone and scream, "What's happenin', you Russkie bastards?"
5. You're the only college student to arrive at Spring Break in a B1 bomber.
4. Your name:Kate. Name of scandal: Kategate.
3. According to Constitution, your 15-year-old brother automatically becomes "First Dude."
2. Every morning, a delicious continental breakfast prepared by Al Gore.
1. 50% off at all participating McDonald's.

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton," 86% replied, "Not again."

What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
The Executive Branch.


President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President. "It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.

Clinton speaks out on the Conan O'Brien Show

  • The Bible says a man shall not lie with a woman not his wife, but it doesn't say a damn thing about sitting on the edge of a copy machine.
  • It ain't immoral if it's only oral!
  • But she didn't inhale...

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"

What's the new favorite game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.

"Top Ten Ways President Clinton Can Distract Attention From The Scandal"
from Late Night with David Letterman

10. "Make guest appearance on Ellen as Ricky the Gay Gabana Boy."
9. Have name of country officially changed to Spiceworld.
8. Call himself El Presidente and ride around the White House on a Donkey.
7. Star in new movie about misunderstood genius, Good Bill Clinting.
6. Begin State of Union address by announcing, I am so baked right now, dude!
5. Appear on CBS special, Presidential Interns Do the Darndest Things.
4. Release rap album under name Puff Puffy.
3. During press conference, use fly rod to yank off Sam Donaldson’s toupee.
2. Appear on Jerry Springer and beat the crap out of Kenneth Starr.
1. Start harassing himself.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 1500 people went down on the Titanic.

What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

STARR I ARE -- a newly discovered tale of Dr. Seuss

I'm here to ask
As you'll soon see --
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?

Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here or there--
I did not do that

I did not do that
Near or far --
I did not do that

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?

And did you tell
the girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-You-Are --
I think that you
Have gone too far.

I will not answer
Any more --
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!

The public's easy
To distract --
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!

Top 10 Benefits of a White House Internship:

10. First hand knowledge of domestic affairs
9. Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great
8. Gives new meaning to MTV slogan "Rock the Vote"
7. Observe the President's commitment to young people first hand
6. Learn intricacies of statutory rape law
5. Have president chase around desk brandishing his 'subpoena'
4. President tells you he really wants you on his staff
3. Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair
2. Have president introduce you to his 'special investigator'
1. Find out what a politician means when he says he's been polling his constituents.

Do you have any jokes you want to see here?
Send them to Charlotte.
Also be sure to visit Charlotte's Web before you leave.

Don't miss Art Faux's Clinton Lewinsky Scandal Fine Art Gallery!
Links to other Clinton scandal sites.

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