Altered proverbs
As you shall make your bed so.... shall you mess it up.
Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to
10. Their answers below are enlightening:
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!" (Tom,5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing
if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to
try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid.
I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,
but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't
want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
(Christine, 9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have
been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
enough." (Regina, 10)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something
she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN
LOVE?
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get
cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts
are...on fire." (Christine, 9)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never
take out the trash." (Randy, 8)
Deep Thoughts by Children
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were
asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we
get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I
should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was
just a lawn mower.
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine
that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of
water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the
population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my
dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away
all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is
why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life?
Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think
about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a
lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26,
just for the long weekends.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a
few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of
days saved up.
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting
just any old yokel vote.
Home is where the house is.
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher.
That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it,
the blood would be right there.
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think
it odd that I drive without pants.
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if
you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest
number you could come up with!
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
"Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is
morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no
feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed
them, right?
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at
which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's
right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell
Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia,
and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we
have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic
table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with
wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started.
A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave
each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and asked
them to come up with the rest.
Better be safe than.... punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the.... bug is close.
Its always darkest before.... daylight savings time
You can lead a horse to water but.... how?
Don't bite the hand that..... looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a....Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new..... math.
If you lie down with the dogs..... you'll stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the...pigs
An idle mind is..... the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's....pollution.
Happy the bride who.... gets all the presents.
A penny saved is.....not much.
Two's company, three's..... the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...you have to
blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind......get out of the way.
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore,
and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy,8)
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy
her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of
the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them!" (Lynette, 9)
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are
so popular." (Jan, 9)
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your
family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they
paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The
Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even
if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of
bills." (Ava, 8)
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if
he's in love." (John, 9)
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the
best of you." (Doug, 7)
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over
you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." (Roger,8)
Home
Me
Cam
Travel
Photos
People
Psychology
Humor
Guestbook