A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
[dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their
sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them
play for free anytime they want.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
from Mike I.
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten
seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous
distance apart.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the
girls and boys meet?"
The mathematician said: "Never."
from Mike I.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later his company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed,
but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had
solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer, happy with
his retirement, reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day he marked a small x in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where
your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. Accounting demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
The bill was paid in full, and the engineer never had his retirement
disturbed again.
from Mike I.
The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach
10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
from Mike I.
The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time."
The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close
enough for all practical purposes."
One chalk mark .. ..... ..... $1
Knowing where to put it ..... $49,999
9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
8. Not everything works according to the specs in the data book.
7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it,
except the complex math, which you will never use.
6. Never try to fix the hardware with software.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon
lab every day for the rest of your life.
4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into
software.
1. Dilbert is a documentary.
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