Billy's mother had just finished baking a batch of cookies and left them on a rack on the kitchen table to cool. Just as she was leaving the kitchen to do some housework in the living room, ten-year old Billy came in through the back door.

"Don't you be touchin' or eatin' none of them cookies, you hear?" she said.

"Yes'm", he said, but he was already eyeing them with a great longing. Their aroma filled the room, and he inhaled deeply. He couldn't stop looking at them, their huge chocolate chips bulging out at him. He started to reach out for one, then he remembered his mother's words, "Don't you be touchin'.."

"H'm, I can't touch them. But what does she mean by touch? I reckon most people, if you were to ask them what they mean by touch, they would say it includes usin' the fingers. So if I don't use my fingers, then I won't be touchin'."

He took a spatula from the counter and slid a cookie until it was hanging over the edge of the table. Then he bent over and grabbed it with his teeth. Using his lips and tongue, he pulled it into his mouth. To avoid being seen, he moved to a windowless pantry adjacent to the kitchen. The taste was unbelievable, the warm and softness were ecstasy. As he chewed it with his eyes closed, he heard his mother call from the living room, "You ain't eatin' them cookies, are you?"

As quickly as he could, he gulped down the wad of cookie he had in his mouth, swallowed hard, and cleared his throat. He stuck his head back into the kitchen. "No ma'am! I ain't eatin' none of these here cookies!" he called out in a loud voice. Then in a normal voice she couldn't hear he said, "In the present tense, that is a true statement."

Later, after Billy went upstairs to his room, his mother went back in the kitchen and noticed a cookie missing. "Billy Jeff, you git your bee-hind down here this minute!" she yelled, summoning him down to the kitchen to testify before her. She bent down toward him, pointing at the batch of cookies, and with her nose just inches from his, said in her most indignant voice, "William Jefferson, did you touch them cookies?"

He looked her straight in the eye and said, "Mother, in the way normal people use the word touch, I can truthfully say, I did not, in any way, shape, or form, have a touching relationship with them cookies."

from Martin G.