The chicken


KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

LOUISE WOODWARD: Because it wouldn't shut up!! SHUT UP!!

BARRY SCHECK: Were you there? WERE YOU?? Did you see that chicken cross that road? Well?? DID YOU???

O.J. SIMPSON: Absolutely one-hundred percent unsure.


JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g reason.


CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

JOHNNY ROTTEN: Because it was stapled to the punk rocker.

JOHNNY CARSON: Because it heard there was a man over there laying bricks and it wanted to see for itself!

ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road. "And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmm. Chicken.

PAMELA LEE ANDERSON: What's a chicken?

BEAVIS OR BUTTHEAD: Uh-heh-heh. He said 'chicken'. Heh-heh.

MUHAMMED ALI: Old McDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

BILL CLINTON: I'll say this once. I did not have a sexual relationship with that chicken.

TED KENNEDY: When I got back, the chicken and the car were gone.

PAULA JONES: The chicken showed me its pecker, so I'm suing it.

IRS: We'll be auditing Paula Jones, but it has nothing to do with her sexual harassment suit against the chicken.

KENNETH STARR: I'm going to get that damned chicken.

LATRELL SPREWELL: I'm gonna choke that damned chicken to death if it doesn't get off'a my f*#%&@* back!

SARAH BRADY: I believe there should be a national 5-day waiting period and background check before a chicken can cross the road.

NATIONAL CREDIT UNION ADMINISTRATION: To get away from the high fees charged by the 1st Poultry Bank & Trust.

HILLARY CLINTON: It's nothing more than a poultry farmer conspiracy to smear the chicken, and it has been since the chicken entered public life.

MAYOR MARION BARRY: Goddamned chicken set me up!

COL. OLIVER NORTH: The chicken did its duty, not as determined by a politician, but as it was guided to do by its conscience.

STEVEN KING: The chicken continued its quest for the Dark Tower.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depend upon your frame of reference.

BORIS YELTSIN: If the chicken crosses the road, it may cause World War III.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

BUFFY THE CHICKEN SLAYER: It's time to fry some chicken.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the transcended it.

PIERRE SALINGER: The chicken was propelled across the road by a missle fired by the United States Navy. I have pictures.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

from Mike I.