Don't start reading until the music kicks in. It should only take a minute.

doo da be doo... doo da bee doo ...doo da bee doo.... doo doo doo da beee doooo... doo da be doo.... doo da be dooo... doo da bee doo doo da doo doo da doo.... da doo doo da doooooooooooooo... 'cause we are the champions my friend... and we'll keep on fighting till the end.... we are the champions.. we are the champions.. oh hallelujah, we are the champions... of the world....(the rest of the song contains more doos das and bees)

Here's a picture of me before I lost my muscles:

Just in case you're wondering, yes, those tight little pants do in fact chafe my willy. But that was before.... before the accident. Yep! There was an accident. I lost my muscles. I'm sorry I can't tell you how it happened because I'm trying to think up a believable story as I go along here. I guess I'm not such a good liar afterall. Oh well. Some people were blessed with good looks and muscles. I guess I'll just have to settle for my brilliant wit and charm -- as well as my unique ability to fill up web pages with useless information -- this being one of them. I also have a real good backhand and strong forearms -- from tennis of course.

In case you're wondering, that's my head.  It's not my body... but it's my head.   I'm not going to sit here and lie to you.  Let me stand first.  Seriously folks, I could've told you that the reason why my face is pale in comparison to the above body is because I wear a bag over my head 24/7.  I don't though.  I only wear a bag over my had Monday through Friday.  I don't wear it to sleep... it gets hot sleeping in a bag. 

Oh well, at least I have a good head on his shoulders.  Sorry.

I apologize for the censored block, but I saw something I probably shouldn't have. I saw.... a knipple. Yep, that's right. I said knipple. And I meant it. Isn't the english language funny that way? Silent k's and p's. No wonder why it's the hardest language out there today. You could pronounce it kanipple, but that's up to you. Actually we could go one step further and say it's Kniki's Knipple -- pronounced "Kaniki's Kanipple". Try saying that ten times fast. Now that's pretty funny stuff. I think I've just reached an all time low with that one. Read on, I believe I can lower myself even further. I'm just protecting the wee tots that may stroll upon this site and faint at the site of Niki Taylor's knipple -- I did. But then again, how often do you get to see knipples as nice as those? WELL NOT ON HERE YOU DON'T!!!! This is a clean site. I just figured since I showed you the musclesbound guy above with a very suave and sophisticated look on his face, I'd show you a swimsuit model. I was thinking about chopping off her head as well and putting Richard Simmon's face on her body, but it didn't look right. Boy that censored block sure is lucky. Ok, moving right along... I guess this link is supposed to be about me, not about all other types of useless information. And believe me, I can keep typing in useless information until I turn blue in the face. "Until I turn blue in the face" is an expression. I really can't turn blue in the face. That would be plum silly. "Plum silly" is also an expression. I've never used it before until now, and I actually kinda like it.

Note:  I put "I can't turn blue in the face" above and I've since been corrected.  You can in fact turn blue in the face... there's a medical term for it.   I'm not sure what the term is... the only medical term that comes to mind right now is constipation.  And where there's upset stomachs... there's Pepto Bismol!  Go with the one that coats!  Where was I?  Oh yes.... about me.

The moment you've been waiting for... a bit about me:

This isn't me.  This is a picture of Elvis in a grass skirt.  Notice how he moves his arms first.. then thrusts.   Try it.

Are you done thrusting?  Well, I'm a 25yr old computer engineer.  I work for a large software company.  I can't tell you who.  Bill swore me to secrecy.   I'm not really an exciting individual.  Other then the nonstop partying, drinking and sex... I'm just like everyone else.  Now if you believe that... then you'll believe that thet grass skirt wearing native up there really is Elvis.  I have a mom... and a dad... one brother, a sister, several dogs... a couple of parrots.  I want a horse... but I don't think he'd fit in my room.

  Here's another picture of me:

(This is what I look like when I've been drinking)

If this is the last page on this site that you're hitting... thanks for visiting.   I encourage you to come back often because there's no better medicine then laughter.  Everyone needs to laugh.  I'm here to help you along.