THE ROCKY FREAK SONG
Lyrics by Arthur Levesque -- bs@boog.org -- http://boog.org
(to the tune of Monty Python's "The Lumberjack Song")


[Setting:  A Star Trek convention.  TREKKIE is dressed as
Mr. Spock -- ears and all -- and is maybe even holding a
tricorder.  He is holding a nasal conversation with a couple
of other Trekkies, also in full regalia, who then exit.  On
the wall behind him are a couple of Star Trek movie posters]

TREKKIE (spoken, to audience):  I never wanted to be a
  Trekkie anyway.  I wanted to be -- a Rocky Freak!

[As he speaks the following lines he pulls of the ears and
removes the Star Trek uniform (revealing floorshow corset,
undies, nets, and garters).  A chorus of TRANSYLVANIANS
enter and form a group to one side; as they enter, they
harmonize and flip over the Star Trek posters, revealing
Rocky Horror posters on the other side.  Finally, at the
mention of his name, an actor dressed as FRANK-N-FURTER
enters, and stands by TREKKIE's side for the whole song]

TREKKIE (spoken):
  Dancing to the Time Warp up and down the aisle!  Walking
  around in heels!  Acting in front of the screen, in front
  of the legends we all hold dear!  Meatloaf!  Little Nell!
  Barry Bostwick!  Susan Sarandon!  Tim Curry!  Patricia
  Quinn!  The creator, Richard O'Brien himself!  With my
  best Frank-N-Furter by my side, we'd sing, sing, SING!!!

TREKKIE
  Oh, I'm a Rocky freak, I might be gay
  I dance all night and I sleep all day

TRANNIES
  He's a Rocky freak, he might be gay
  He'll dance all night and he'll sleep all day

TREKKIE
  I wear high heels and black fishnets
  And sequins oh-so-bright
  I shop at Vicki's Secret
  To be a real transvestite

TRANNIES
  He wears high heels and black fishnets
  And sequins oh-so-bright
  He shops at Vicki's Secret
  To be a real transvestite

  He's a Rocky freak, he might be gay
  He'll dance all night and he'll sleep all day

TREKKIE
  I play Riff Raff, and sometimes Brad
  I look like a butch guy
  Sometimes I go to Starbucks
  And wear a power tie

TRANNIES
  He plays Riff Raff, and sometimes Brad
  He looks like a butch guy
  Sometimes he goes to Starbucks
  And ... wears a power TIE?!?

  He's a Rocky freak, he might be gay
  He'll dance all night and he'll sleep all day

TREKKIE
  I have a job, work nine-to-five
  And drink lots of java
  I wish I was a Tory
  Just like my dear Papa!

TRANNIES
  He has a job, works nine-to-five
  And drinks lots of java
  He wants to be a ... Tory?

[TRANNIES exit in disgust, making disparaging comments
like "Normal!" "Mundane!" and "Breeder!"]

FRANK-N-FURTER (spoken, crying):  Oh, I thought you were
  so flaming!!