"It's Not Just a Job"
by Arthur Levesque -- bs@boog.org -- http://boog.org

(King Henry VIII's Royal Executioner to his apprentice on
the day of Anne Boleyn's decapitation)

Step lively, hurry up, come on, my lad,
Yer the slowest apprentice what ever I've had!
It's as sure a thing as yer death or yer taxes,
We can't do the job 'til we've sharpened our axes!
There be too many stairs in this bloomin' high tower,
Gettin' me bones up 'em always takes me an hour.
Put down them tools, sit wit' me and rest,
And I'll tell ye how I became the King's best...

Me old man would be proud to see me today,
Carryin' on the family business this way.
He was a torturer, one of the tops,
There weren't not a man not afraid of me Pops.
He were innovative, that's why he were good,
He'd try out new things on his kids, that he would.
But I unnerstood, though I was but a pup,
And vowed to be Torturer when I grew on up.

Yer prob'ly wond'rin' why I'm Executioner, then,
But it takes too much patience to torture most men.
And me, always wantin' to finish things quick,
Figger'd Executioner'd be the best job to pick.
But me Pop was supportive, even up to the day,
After a failure, the King decreed he must pay.
The King himself made me Executioner Royal
When me Pop's execution showed 'im I was loyal.

I admit I'm uncomfortable killing his wives,
Whatever they done, it ain't worth their lives.
But I still gotta swing when they sticks out their necks,
For the day I refuse is the day that I'm next.
So I carry on, in all honor and purity,
For competent work guarantees job security.
The King himself took me aside and said, "Bert,
Do a clean job this time so me lover don't hurt."

Knowin' the King still cares for his queens
Shows me even he knows what family means.
He's a ruddy good fellow, a bit of all right,
I still can't believe how he spoke to me tonight!
So pick up them axes, and grab our tools too,
How dare ye sit there when we've work to do?
Move yer feet, Johnny, yer so slow, I swear,
But once we finish this job let's get us some beer.